Read The Last Testament: A Memoir by God by David Javerbaum Online


Over the course of his long and distinguished career, god has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post–SimoOver the course of his long and distinguished career, god has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post–Simon Cowell era. Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament. As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award–winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft. For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith’s. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL. But The Last Testament doesn’t just look back. It also offers God’s perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as: • Why he loves America • What he listens for in a good prayer • Which sports teams he really roots for • Which celebrities are totally gay Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It’s the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and “worshipers,” but to anyone who’s ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament....

Title : The Last Testament: A Memoir by God
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9781451640182
Format Type : Hardcover
Number of Pages : 383 Pages
Status : Available For Download
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The Last Testament: A Memoir by God Reviews

  • Patty Blount
    2018-12-27 07:51

    1 In an ironic twist of fate, I bought this book while at the Huntington Book Revue waiting for my own book launch party to start. My son handed it to me and I started leafing through pages, giggling at some of the text… a great way to manage those public speaking nerves.2 Written entirely in “God-speak” – as my son calls the biblical notations and frequent use of Thou, verily, and forsaketh, The Last Testament manages to be both irreverent and hilarious at the same time. Probably no big deal for God the circle whose center is everywhere and circumference is nowhere, but it sure impressed the hell out of me so I tried to emulate the Lord My God and write my review the same way :)3 In the Prologue alone, which I read while trying not to wet my pants before I spoke to my own fans for the first time, God – pardon me – I mean, The Lord our God, King of the Universe – describes a fruitful meeting with His agent with these words:Thy previous books have sold an impressive six billion copies;They form the basis of three great religions, and five crappy ones.4 I was hooked! Er, hooketh.5 I bought the book, took it home, read it and yes, had to change my clothes at least three times because I did verily wet my pants from laughing. I kiddeth thee not. God covers everything from the first couple, Adam and Steve, all the way to armegeddon. Yea, verily, the end of the world really is set for next month. *shrug* But it’s not WHAT God covers, it’s the way He covers it. God, as it turns out, has an unholy sense of humor.6 Who kneweth?7 In this ‘telleth all’ God apologizes for the potato famine; He was mad at them.8 The potatoes, not the Irish.9 My favorite part of the book? God explains, in His own words, why there is such a lengthy gap in the recorded history of man: He has been overseeing another universe. Hasty to point out He never sought out this relationship and that He was totally happy with ours, nevertheless, the Lord our God, King of THIS Universe, succumbed to a Great Moment of Weakness:“I Banged it.And then the whole thing kind of exploded from there; and that is how it all got started.This thing with the other universe, I mean.”10 *sigheth* He claims that other universe means nothing to Him but does He agree to stop overseeing it? Smite it? No.11 As you read this book, you’ll come to one certain conclusion – God is nuts.12 But nuts in a Pure and Holy way, of course.13 This book, written by the supremely witty and smart David Javerbaum, an 11-time Emmy Award winner for his work on The Daily Show, revisits everything you learned in Sunday School and pretty much flips it the bird. Yes, I’m certain many people will be offended by this book.14 If you’re one of them, don’t read it.15 If you’re not one of them, buy it now. Immediately. It’s quite honestly the funniest thing you may read before the world ends – an end marked by various signs of the apocalypse including electing Sarah Palin as the president of the United States and Facebook recording its 666,666,666th member.Don’t take my word for it. See what my fellow Book Hungry club members have to say about The Last Testament. Here’s Abby’s. And here’s Karla’s. Religion and faith are so often taboo-topics. Would you find this book funny or blasphemous? Would you read this book? Why or why not?

  • Jackie
    2018-12-23 07:33

    You know about God's credentials, so I'll just tell you about David Javerbaum. He has a masters degree in irreverence after being a head writer and executive producer for The Daily Show, the co-author of "America, The Book" and "Earth: The Book" as well as being the lone author of "What to Expect When You Are Expected". He also wrote the songs for "A Colbert Christmas" and the opening number for the 2011 Tony Awards, "Broadway, It's Not Just for Gays Anymore" performed by Neil Patrick Harris. Now that you know all that, just imagine what he's done with The Bible and The Koran, among other religious books, scrolls, teachings, rumors and gossip.With the help of Javerbaum, we get to meet the "real" God, at home with His family (He's got a wife, and three kids, one of which you probably have heard about), the behind the scenes from everything from the creation of the world to the truth about who got on the ark and why, to the processing of prayers, to His numerous admitted infidelities. He's a big fan of the Mayan culture, so expect some major doings leading up to 12-22-12 (there is a day to day listing beginning on 1-1-12), with the finale being determined with how well this new book of His sells. This book even has recipes in it (because His publisher told Him cookbooks are hot right now), though some of the ingredients will be a bit of a challenge to find (but then, so are Martha Stewart's).This is a fun, occasionally bawdy, irreverent (which would be spelled in neon capital letters with roving search lights flashing around it if only my computer was able to do so), and a perfect addition to any Stewart/Colbert/Comedy Central fans coffee table, bureau stack, or "reading room" basket.

  • Susan (aka Just My Op)
    2019-01-13 12:39

    First of all, if you are religious and think it is sacrilegious to poke fun at your religion, and especially at the Bible, stay far away from this book. If you are not religious but think it's wrong to poke fun at religions, stay away, too. If you don't like reading profanity, this isn't a book you'll like.Now that the people who definitely won't like this book have been winnowed out, let's move one. For all other readers, this may or may not be a book for you. Vague, huh?I laughed out loud several times when I started this book, and annoyed my spouse by reading snippets of it to him. Apparently, God isn't the nice, benevolent guy or the vengeful god (depending on your version) that we have come to know and love. He is a persnickety, ornery prankster who does make mistakes. At least according to this, his last testament.The problem with the book is threefold. It got old fast, like hearing the same knock-knock joke too many times in a row. And some of it seemed mean-spirited. Some of the profanity was a bit too much for my usually tolerant mind. I have to admit that I haven't finished the book. I will probably pick it up again and read a few pages now and then. For me, it isn't a book to be read straight through, just too much of something that can be good in small doses.

  • Ron Charles
    2019-01-06 07:29

    God knows David Javerbaum is blessed with a good sense of humor. He was a head writer and executive producer for “The Daily Show,” and in The Last Testament (Simon & Schuster, $23.99), he tries to do for monotheism what Jon Stewart does for politics. Presented as “A Memoir by God,” the book comes divided into chapters and numbered verses like the Bible, if the Bible were narrated by Mel Brooks on crack-laced manna. It’s a bawdy circus of theological vaudeville — Shadrach, Meshach and To-bed-we-go! — determined to sacrifice every sacred cow on the altar of farce. This Lord is a Lord hungry for laughs but wracked by insecurities, troubled by “wrath-management issues.” “Like Garbo,” He says, “I had begun in silence, made the transition to talking, and now, increasingly, just wanted to be left alone.”But with a little encouragement from His agent, He has no trouble “creating a telleth-all.” “I never give myself anything I cannot handle,” He says in one of many clever turns of phrase. As Javerbaum runs through a manic revision of the Old and New Testaments, a great multitude of revelations pours forth, many sharpened to skewer fundamentalist Christians for their supposed anti-intellectualism and homophobia. The first residents of the Garden of Eden, for instance, were Adam and Steve. “In the morning,” God says, “they grew embarrassed, and cloaked themselves in fig leaves; these constituting the entirety of their fall collection.” Kicked out of the Garden, they supported themselves “through foraging and occasional freelance work.” The alpha and the omega of Javerbaum’s comedy are deadpan silliness and startlingly graphic sexual gags, which no fig leaf could dress up for a family newspaper.God uses “The Last Testament” as an opportunity to correct a number of misinterpretations in the Bible. Noah, for instance, wasn’t instructed to take two of “every” animal, but to take two of “any” animal. “I recommended dogs,” He says, “but I left the choice to Noah; for I have never been a cat God.” And Jesus — “a classic middle child” — was born in a “manger” because somebody misunderstood His instructions to contact the “manager.” Thou shalt laugh no matter how strained these jokes are.A chapter on modern-day celebrities, “Glossy Ones,” is full of insider Hollywood “godsip”: “I have seen Paris Hilton lost in thought; it takes but one.” A brief selection of “Godlibs” makes a divine party game. And it’s fun to catch up on all God’s faves: “Second favorite painting: Campbell’s Soup Cans, by Andy Warhol. So much soup!”“I could go on and on,” God says. And you get the feeling He really could, being the Infinite One and all, but that’s no reason He should. Sensitive types might feel uncomfortable when Javerbaum mocks Jesus on the cross, portrays Moses as a pothead or refers to Muhammad as a pedophile, but the real offense here isn’t blasphemy so much as dullness. Chapter after chapter, there’s a lot of wandering in the comic desert, waiting for a good joke to descend from on-high. Creating 12 funny minutes every night for Jon Stewart is an answer to prayer, and Javerbaum’s wit is particularly well-suited for 140 characters on Twitter (@thetweetofgod), but writing almost 400 pages of consistently hilarious one-liners would be a miracle even beyond the powers of you know Who.

  • Al Bità
    2019-01-16 05:21

    At last Yahweh breaks his long silence and provides long-suffering humanity with his Final Testament, a Testament which links all the great religions and some of the others into a more comprehensive whole. Past misconceptions are addressed, and in many cases the real story behind some of the Bible's more controversial passages are provided. God himself comes clean: while admittedly he is Lord of All, Omnipotent, etc. etc. he openly admits that he is not, and has never claimed to be Perfect — there have been some mistakes, and he acknowledges some of them. He also reveals how sometimes he even doubted his existence, and even admits that sometimes he questions his own sanity. But now, with his Last Testament, he has decided that it is time to clear up exactly what happened, more or less from the beginning. He reveals, for example, that the first human couple were, indeed, Adam and Steve.He also reveals more detail about his family: his wife Ruth, and their three children Zach (the eldest, who so loved sneaking up on the angels and shouting 'Boo!' that Gabriel gave him the nickname Holy Ghost or H.G. for short) then came Jesus (a classic middle child), and the youngest is the adorable Kathy. There is much, much joy to be gained from the many revelations contained throughout the book.God also includes a chapter on the End Times — a rather sombre ending the details of which he really would have preferred to keep to himself, but then he heard about the Mayan prophecy, and the more he pondered on it, the more he thought it might be appropriate to make use of their end-time date (he admits he has always had a soft spot for the Maya, and for the passion they had (especially in their enthusiasm for human sacrifices)). He has decided that he might be interested in a visit to Armageddon in December 2012, and lets us in on some of the signs that he may be preparing for the final countdown. There is a particularly disturbing entry for 3 April 2012: "North Korea's ageing dictator Kim Jong Il formally transfers all governmental power to the little man in his head who is crazy." This, of course, could simply be a typo. Or it could simply be an error (based on the fact that God himself has admitted that he isn't perfect). Or perhaps even more disturbing, it could be a truly awful sign that Kin Jong Il may be raised from the dead especially for the coming Apocalypse… At one stage I thought this might warrant my rating this book less than five stars — but really, could one ever rate a book by God at anything less than the full five stars? (All of you who rated this less, watch your backs!)And there is a hope left: if enough people buy this book, God might have to postpone the Apocalypse after all and consider issuing a second edition. You know what you have to do!

  • Scott Freeman
    2019-01-18 12:31

    Funny and guaranteed to offend Christians, Jews and Muslims alike. The length causes the joke to run a bit thin, though.

  • Allison
    2019-01-10 11:29

    This book is hilarious; I highly recommend it if you have a sense of humor and/or love to laugh and/or don't take religion too seriously. Mostly because I don't really know who David Javerbaum is, and a little bit because I'm not really religious, and a lot because I have a wild imagination and prefer being silly to being serious, but it was easy to hear God dictating this book. It doesn't help that the cover and author photo were hilarious enough to make me laugh out loud in the library. Thankfully, God understood and kept me from being shushed.     I kept a pen and piece of paper with me while reading this book; notes needed to be made on the best quotes. Problem is, there are way too many "best quotes."      - Facts, chapter 3, verses 18-19: Their demise was a boon for civilization, but it is with cities as it is with people: dying young and mysteriously can turn any idiot into a legend. (Yea, it was the only half-intelligent thing Jim Morrison ever did in his life.)     - The Gospel According to Dad, chapter 11, verses 22-24: Yea, there is only one widely held belief about the devil that is a misconception; and even that only partially so. The number is the devil is not 666. That is only his area code; his full number is unlisted.     - The Gospel According to Dad, chapter 15 (The Sayings of Jesus), verse 7: Man shall not live by bread alone. Yet at restaurants it is easy to forget this and end up full before the appetizer.     - Effusions, chapter 3, verse 11: Second-favorite painting: Campbell's Soup Cans, by Andy Warhol. So much soup!

  • Shannon
    2019-01-05 12:43

    The Last Testament is basically religious satire. God has broken his 1400-year silence and has written a third testament, because, as he says, the best books come in trilogies. He sets a few things straight about his previous books, dishes on celebrity culture, and makes predictions for the years to come.This book is probably not for those of you who are deeply religious or easily offended, but then, you probably knew that from the title. I read it through Audible, where it was read by the author… er… the interpreter of God's written work… or something. . He has a nice reading voice, and the presentation was wonderful.I saw a review on goodreads that suggests that the book should probably not have been read cover to cover, which is pretty much what I did, and I had the same experience as the other reviewer did. I thought the beginning was hilarious, but after a while, it just kind of… keeps going. And going. I also felt a little like God was trying too hard to be funny. He's a little like somebody's uncle at a family reunion, telling a few jokes over and over thinking they're much more hilarious than they are.All that said, when Javerbaum is on his game, he does quite well. I certainly agree with much of what he has to say about organized religion, so I was the right audience for this book. I also follow his twitter account, TheTweetOfGod, and I think he's at his best when he sticks to the short, 140-character format.I certainly recommend this book if you like religious satire, and the audible book was a fun listening experience.

  • James Swenson
    2019-01-04 04:50

    Mainly, this is just very silly. I almost hurt myself laughing at it a couple of times, though, so it must be OK.It has a fill-in-the-blank section ("Godlibs"), which is a nice bonus.And occasionally there are bits of truth, like the beginning of the first Chapter of Sell-A-Thonians:(1) The subject of who does and does not receive my blessing puts me in mind of a certain nation whose money claims to trust me.(2) And yet every time I hear "God Bless America," I get angry.(3) It is not that I dislike the tune; to the contrary, it is far more pleasant than America's national anthem -- that shambling melody to which is set the fetishistic tale of the nocturnal survival of a magical pole-cloth.(4) No, my objections to the song and the saying are not artistic, but personal; for Americans asking me for more blessings is like Tahitians asking me for sunnier days.

  • Rob
    2019-01-10 08:30

    This is a catholic-man's nightmare. Luckily, I don't believe in any deity of any sort and find this absolutely hilarious. There's really nothing that compares to the amount of sarcasm and irony here. Split, cleverly, into chapters such as "Againesis" (Again-esis), "Revelation" (not plural), and Smitus (the chapter on natural disasters), the collection of passages is basically God's revision on the original bible, which he should have never trusted man to write. Poking fun at so many modern stereotypes and beliefs, the book is truly a riot. (i.e "Now the snake was more closeted than any animal in the Garden; literally on the downlow; for though he oft hissed his desire to mate with comely serpentesses, yet he lisped, and fretted over his skin care, and could not have looked more phallic if he'd had balls for a rattle") If you just laughed, read it...just don't talk about it with your religious friends.

  • Sarah
    2019-01-05 08:22

    Funny, but not the best of its kind. I giggled once or twice, but I get tired of all the “thy’s” and “shall’s” and “-eth’s” real fast. I realize that David Javerbaum can’t really be criticized for my lazy reading habits, so that’s not necessarily a valid argument against his work.The book was hardly as blasphemous as I was anticipating, though, and that I can definitely blame on the author. I mean, come on David. You get to be God for 364 pages and you’re making worn out Adam-and-Steve jokes? No, no, no. If you’re gonna be a heretic, you might as well go all out. Do blasphemy right! All I can say is this: When I write my own version of The Last Testament as Goddess, Queen of the Universe, we are going to sort some serious misinterpreted, misguided, made-the-fuck-up stuff out. Measly human beings, prepare yourselves for The Day of Reckoning. It will be funny, it will be blasphemous, and it will be all kinds of feminist.

  • Ally
    2019-01-04 04:39

    This is the kind of book I'm always a little nervous about, since it very often requires me to put away my politics, which, to some degree I can do, but then sometimes, I can't. And I always wonder, about authors who write books like this, and what sort of deals you have to make with God to get away with the things you write, so I always end up reading them anyway, out of a morbid curiousity. Having said that, I liked this. Some of the jokes were a little off-colour, but most of them were about faith itself, which is utterly ridiculous when looked at in the right light. Maybe it's the Canadian in me, but I do love a God who can make fun of His own foibles.It's genuinely funny and relatively harmless, with a few, "I can't believe you just said that." moments. Most of those are the good kind.

  • Karen Wurl
    2018-12-31 08:21

    If this book had ended at half the length, I would give it five stars - the opening of this book is funnier than anything I have read in recent memory. The book just begins to wear thin, as the author attempts to cover every faith and every topic. I'm sure the show (and reviews of the show are the reason I bought this book) edits this material down to the essentials. It's hilarious, and then it's less than hilarious, and eventually it's a chore to finish reading. Still, I would reread the hilarious first third of this book again and again, and recommend it to people with the caveat that it's okay to stop reading when it stops being funny. And, perhaps obviously, this book isn't for the religious. Not a problem for me.

  • David Ramirer
    2018-12-27 07:48

    gott hat, das wird beim lesen seiner erinnerungen deutlich, in den letzten 2000 jahren nur sehr wenig dazugelernt. am beginn des doch flüssiger lesbaren buches (im vergleich mit seinem "alten testament") löst er ein paar halbe rätsel so lala auf, was teilweise die lage entschärft.leider aber wird das buch dann auch rasch ziemlich lahm und gott verliert sich in selbstspiegelungen und hemmungslos langweiligen geschichterln (das alte lied mit seinen werken...). die offenbarung am ende ist am schwächsten. ich zwang mich durch, weil ich wenigstens dieses werk aus seiner feder zur gänze gelesen haben wollte (sein opus 1 ist ja wirklich vollkommen unlesbar).als fazit: macht streckenweise spaß (zwei sterne). ich wünsche dem buch mehr erfolg als dem vorgänger (ein stern).

  • Jonathan
    2019-01-16 11:42

    I have never laughed so hard and so often at any other book. It so clearly crystallises and ridicules the nonsense of theistic religions. The author doesn't let Buddhists and atheists off the hook either.There are various approaches to exposing the farcical nature of religion. There's the earnest, somewhat shrill and preachy "The God Delusion", which is a book I very much enjoy, but I think in some ways "The last Testament" does it better, through humour.I've no doubt this is a book I will reread on a number of occasions. Truly brilliant, very clever.

  • Rbeisenberg
    2019-01-01 12:44

    Verily, I enjoyed reading this book. For, lo, it was written in a mirthful manner appropriate for its subject. At times the schtick becameth a bit much, and some portions weren't all that mirthful, but the gems easily outweigheth those.

  • Frank Roberts
    2019-01-06 11:48

    One of the funniest books I have read in ages. Irreverent as hell, of course, but full of laughs. The verse at Againesis 19:4 alone makes this a brilliant book.

  • Davy
    2019-01-01 12:22

    I don‘t have a problem with making fun of religion or aspects of it as long as it isn‘t extreme or branches out into other aspects of disrespect that hurt actual groups but unfortunately that was the case at times. For example, I loved “Le tout nouveau Testament ”, it was somewhat inclusive and at the very least didn‘t put people and groups down while the punchline is that god is terribly cruel, lazy and is done with just about everything. Javerbaum‘s god is an angry one too but offensive as well. His god is also faulty, his god doesn‘t know what he‘s doing sometimes, no idea to be precise, got some trouble and is stressed sometimes. It‘s good, that‘s nice, very human but nice. Regarding the actual content.. too forced, lazy, just negating or changing biblical stories and making up weird things, doesn’t seem too creative. Sure, this is supposed to be a retelling of the bible as it “really” happened, but seriously? Rewriting every aspect of a story that‘s told, making it sound even more ridiculous than it already does? Boring. The „tea“? Even more boring.Certainly not a book you have to read, it took me forever to finish because I just didn’t want to go on.

  • Akshata Tare
    2018-12-24 07:25

    Such insights into the thinking of the Lord, King... I an forever thankful to Thee for the factual corrections. And forever swear by Againesis 19:4

  • Jean
    2018-12-24 09:31

    To me this book was a religious satire - there some funny parts but the story is way to long to hold my interest - if you are easily offended, then this is not a book for you -

  • Onyango Makagutu
    2019-01-10 05:24

    Interesting in some places but unnecessarily long.

  • Henrik Jepsen
    2019-01-20 06:50

    Good humor, especially if you know a little bit to the bible history

  • Bob Anderson
    2018-12-28 12:41

    Here we have the tell-almost-all memoir from the Supreme Being, written in the book-chapter-verse style made so popular by the previous, unauthorized, biographies of this character and his son, the Old and New Testaments. He explains some of the sticking points in those previous works (turns out being gay is okay, everyone!), gives some behind-the-scenes details (how come we never knew about Ruth’s time as God’s wife before now?), and lays out His bold plan for the future (we seem to have bought enough of this book in its first printing, since the world didn’t quite end in 2012 like He had threatened). This book has some great material, and fortunately it’s not all packed at one end or the other. In Againesis God explains exactly why he faked all the evidence for evolution, and in Revelation He outlines the ludicrous ending for the world his creative team came up with. Other highlights are the development of the Father-Son bond between Him and Jesus (Trinity-lovers will be disappointed to learn how separate God, Jesus, and the oldest son, Zach [a.k.a. the Holy Ghost] are), and the photo-spread inset, which contains the weekly planner for the week of Creation. Honestly this book is worth experiencing if only for the cover photography of the hard-cover version. Its sublime mastery is ruined by the Broadway-show tie-in paperback cover. Honestly, who really needs Jim Parsons giving a smarmy, effete, impersonation of this majestically bearded deity? The book is best experienced while relaxing with someone else nearby to share the Word of the Lord with, preferably someone with a similar state of mind to yourself.

  • Marlowe
    2019-01-08 07:40

    This is an extended, 364-page joke in which God has been convinced by his publisher to write a new testament, his first since the Quran, in which he finally answers all those questions people have been asking about Him and His work. Despite really being a single joke wrought out into a full length novel, The Last Testament did mostly hold my interest. It was very funny, funny enough to have me laughing out loud in several places, even if many of the jokes have been done before (“Actually, it really was Adam and Steve…”).The book is written in a King James-ish style, full of thees and thous and -ests, and it’s broken up into chapters and verses. This works for the larger joke and, in several places, really added to the humour of what was being said, but it made for difficult and tiresome reading. It ended up taking me a long time to get through the book because I could only read in short bursts or I’d just get bored with the writing style.I’m probably the worst person to judge, but I found the jokes to be more or less unheretical. I mean, obviously, he’s poking fun at the Trinity and all that, but at no point did I get the sense that he was deliberately trying to offend anyone. If anything, the jokes were mostly in the same vein that I heard in Church and Meeting growing up.Since I’m working on reading through his first Testament, so I really enjoyed the first part of the book where Javerbaum gives a “behind the scenes tell all.” While the rest of the book can be read and appreciated by anyone with a reasonably good pop culture knowledge, the first part is definitely much (MUCH!) funnier with a good overall knowledge of the Old Testament.

  • Michelle
    2018-12-23 11:23

    So....God is a psychopath. And a narcissist. And a sadist. And, well, just an all around asshole.That's my takeaway from this book.At this point, I should probably give my disclaimer (Check out my blog for more), but I'm not going to. I feel like you've got the idea from the first line. And the book's title.Look. The book has it's funny bits, but frankly, it's just too long to stay funny. The last 75 pages is just the original Revelations next to the "revised" version. It was definitely funnier to start, though it did tend to be a bit cynical at times. Maybe even mean spirited.An example of a good part is when "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind," is explained to mean that you shouldn't cut off a man's genitals, use a knife to carve a slit where they were, and insert your penis so you can "lie" with him as a woman.Oh, and God did create Adam and Steve, he just changed his name to Eve post-op.But the only thing I can say I really loved for it's value, and not it's sarcasm or humor, was almost at the end, where it says, "Blessed are they that make a reasonable attempt at abiding by as many of my (Jesus') teachings as possible, whether or not they believe in my divinity..."And I'm going to stop there. I can quote things, or give chapters (the ones on America are pretty good), but that's about it. There aren't any characters or plot to dissect. So, final verdict: Not bad, but too long.

  • Bookmom
    2019-01-06 09:23

    Tongue in cheek about God giving some personal background and highlights to his best seller, The Bible with added sections on a number of different topics. If you don't have a sense of humor or don't believe God has a sense of humor, this is the last book you'll want to pick up.The sections are broken down into small (often 1 line) numbered paragraphs, apparently so that you can refer to "God's word" in this book like you were accessing the Bible. There's an entire section on celebrities and because God is all-seeing , "God" saw all and decides to share it with us. A number of celebrities and their families might not be too thrilled, fiction or not.Some of it is very funny, much of it is amusing, but some of it just runs on and on. Reading this cover to cover quickly got old. It actually reads better if you break it up and read sections of it at a time. Now that I think about it's actually a good book to keep in the bathroom.The medium for the book doesn't feel right, at least as the cover-to-cover read. I could easily see this material as a series for a stand-up comic.I'd downloaded the first few chapters that were available free for the Kindle prior to the release of the book and loved it. Again, stick to reading shorter amounts at a time if you get the book or you are bound to be disappointed after such a great start.

  • Kristen
    2019-01-13 09:29

    In case you didn't already know, God is basically a self-important, tantrum-prone omnipotent eight-year old - and boy is his autobiography funny!There are so many entertaining aspects of this book that no review could hope to do it justice. Suffice it to say - as long as you are not married to the traditional "religious-reverence-of-God" thing, you will likely enjoy this book.God tells us many things in his book. From the things humans got way-wrong in the gospels, to gossiping about what HE knows about celebrities [Juicy!], to his favourite things [SPOILER ALERT: Who knew God LOVES - and I mean REALLY LOVES! - Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dream Coat???], his REAL opinion on abortion, and even his favourite recipes. Not to mention his - SPOILER ALERT - year-long list of signs of the apocalypse [which is, in fact taking place on December 21st, as per the Mayans].This book was dictated by God to Daily Show writer David Javerbaum, and any fans of the show will not be surprised to learn that God's perspectives are similarly irreverent, razor-sharp and utterly, completely, laugh-out-loud hilarious! I loved this book. As long as you aren't easily offended, it's highly recommended as a great read!!

  • Flora Smith
    2019-01-01 10:21

    This is a tell-all book from God and it is absolutely dripping with satire. I loved it but I have a twisted sense of humore. This book is not for everyone to say the least. If you are deeply religious or easily offended then don't pick up this book. It is guaranteed to offend Jews, Christians, and Muslims alike and plays no favorites. God decides to write a tell all book to not only correct stories in the bible that people got wrong but also to fill in the blanks as to how he has spent life. We hear about his marriage to Ruth and the raising of their three children as well as stories such as Adam and Steve and how Moses really talked. It was not a book that I could sit down and read in one sitting. A little of it went a long way and the monologue got a bit old after a while. I admit it, I skimmed the last part. However, it is one that I thought humorous instead of offensive as I am not deeply religious. If you are easily offended by religious satire then do not pick this one up.

  • Cameron Mitchell
    2019-01-07 10:27

    After learning, as I long suspected, that God has been dealing with some wrath management issues these last few millennia, I am far too afraid to give this book anything but a five star rating, lest I risk an insta-smiting.That being said, this book deserves every star it gets, even if you don't count the fact that it was written by the creator of the universe. In his new memoir,The Last Testament, God gives us a breakdown of his long and distinguished career, explaining his involvement in some major events throughout world history from the creation of the universe to the life of every human being ever to have lived. Along the way, he sets right some common misinterpretations found in the bible, dishes on his opinions of his three great religions, and even gives us a brief look into his family life with his wife Ruth and three children: Zach, Jesus, and Kathy.Cleverly written,The Last Testamentis a hilarious read, though I will warn anyone who is easily offended to stay away from it

  • Malloreon
    2019-01-13 11:39

    With God being my favorite person to follow on Twitter, I was excited to finally read his comedic memoir. Instead of an Apologist misinterpreting the mysterious ways of God, God himself takes the time to explain all the controversies, death, rape, failures, massacres etc. in the Old Testament. Predictably the book starts off in Genesis with God providing insight and justification for all the horrors he unleashed. The book reads like a Family Guy episode featuring God, but the book really picks up when God and Jesus argue vehemently over Jesus' zany idea to make a corporeal appearance on Earth! I had to put the book down and wipe the tears from eyes every other page as God tried his hardest to dissuade Jesus with cogent arguments regarding gestation, the birth canal, breast feeding, shit filled diapers, awkward pubescence, masturbatory tendencies, magic shows, torture methods, reincarnation etc. The last third of the book was kind of weak and the 'Remixed Revelations' bit dragging on and on. Now I'm really excited to see the play.