Read Moist by Mark Haskell Smith Online


A comic rampage through the polyglot gutters of modern Los Angeles...When a severed arm decorated with an erotic tattoo appears at an L.A. pathology lab, it's love at first sight. Bob's minimum wage job minding the slabs has never given him agita before, but now he won't rest until he finds the owner of the arm so he can get to the girl who posed for that unforgettable tatA comic rampage through the polyglot gutters of modern Los Angeles...When a severed arm decorated with an erotic tattoo appears at an L.A. pathology lab, it's love at first sight. Bob's minimum wage job minding the slabs has never given him agita before, but now he won't rest until he finds the owner of the arm so he can get to the girl who posed for that unforgettable tattoo. But Bob isn't the only one with a stake in finding the arm's owner-the moment he sets off to find his true love, a colorful band of mobsters from Mexico and some of the L.A.P.D.'s finest cross his path in their desperate search for this peculiar piece of evidence. From Amado, a one-armed murdered addicted to Mexican soap opera, to Martin, a Wharon graduate and cannabis aficionado, to Maura, a masturbation coach with unnatural urges, Bob finds himself entangled in a hilarious stew of murder, sex and mobster-style politics. A first novel that is as sharp and biting as a salt-rimmed margarita,Faster, with a head-swiveling plot you'll love to untangle, Moist is whip-smart, stylish reading....

Title : Moist
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9780312303648
Format Type : Hardcover
Number of Pages : 320 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

Moist Reviews

  • Stacy Fetters
    2018-10-14 20:50

    "How much coke can a coyote tote if a coyote could tote coke? M. Smith is now currently in my top five favorite authors. This debut novel packs quite the punch or should I say it tore my arm off? His mind, I just want to crawl around inside it for awhile to see what other f'd up adventures are roaming around in there. This was a do not put down and finish all in one day kind of book. It reads and follows like a movie. For anyone who likes dry humor and isn't squeamish, I suggest picking up any of his titles. You'll not be sorry that you did. And come on, who doesn't want to read about someone whos job is to teach people how to relax, breathe deep and choke that chicken correctly every time!?

  • Adam
    2018-10-15 21:34

    I bought this book on a whim less than a week ago and I am now finished reading it. After reading the summary on the back cover of it I couldn't help but think to myself, "Are you serious?". Throughout most of the beginning of the novel I couldn't help but wonder to myself if this was a ridiculous farce or a true novel. The characters truly come to life, all of whom are transformed in major ways by the end. I couldn't help but read in large bursts, 70 to 100 pages at a time, as every twist was alternating somewhere between plausible and impossible. It's really a great story, the way that the Mark Haskell Smith weaves the lives of everyone together, even as they grow further and further apart. The authors style of writing is very quick, like written out ADD. We are one second reading about the Mexican mafia characters, who are portrayed as smart, though flawed, sometimes blundering (which is how they got into the whole mess in the first place) but never all out stupid. There is a confidence about them, but at times they are used for some comic relief. The next second we are reading about the police officer responsible for bringing them down. We get mixed up in their personal lives, their business lives and their twists and turns of self-discovery, and because everything moves so fast we are never bored. The novel keeps moving, constantly. This was a lot of fun to read. Definitely to be considered a dark comedy but with the insight of a thriller or murder mystery. This was quite an enjoyable, if not bizarre at the beginning, read.

  • Kathy
    2018-10-15 20:50

    Who would have thought that a novel about the seedy violent drug-fueled world of Los Angeles gang culture would be so hilarious?!?!And yet, so it is. This story is like a meth and pot fueled, surreal version of "Tristam Shandy". The story begins with the bloody and violent loss of a limb, specifically, a heavily tatooed arm that is inadvertantly left at a murder scene (the owner of the arm is the murderer). The arm and its subsequent possession, loss, recovery and destruction is the machinery by which our Tristam, a lab rat named Bob, discovers himself, and transforms himself into the mythic figure, Roberto.Along the way, we meet Bob's ex-girlfriend, a masturbation coach who discovers the erotic appeal of potential violence and ends up joining the police force. We meet Esteban, the jefe of the local Eme, who is tired and wants to retire. Martin, his law-school-educated second in command, who come sto the inevitable bad end. Finally, there is Amado, one of the best characters I've read recently. He is the killer gangster wo loses his arm and falls in love wiwth the telenovelas while in the hospital. His transformation is the best: he becomes a screenwriter - only in L.A.

  • Nesa Sivagnanam
    2018-10-10 21:41

    This book reads like a film script almost. It's funny and fast-paced. the first I have read from this author.There is no single protagonist, but multiple main characters whose POVs the reader flits among.One major player is Esteban, a Mexican drug lord working in L.A. who becomes upset when one of his hit men, Amado, accidentally severs his arm while killing an associate gone bad. The missing arm that the police find might end up pulling down Esteban's empire.This is where a pathologist named Bob comes in. Bob's life has fallen apart after he's left his girlfriend, a masturbation coach. While trying to deliver the arm to the police after analyzing it, Bob is kidnapped by Esteban's gang for the arm--and Bob falls in love with the crazy characters, realizing his life had been boring until now. A crazy plan emerges where Bob will deliver to the police someone else's fat and tattooed arm. The movie business can't ever be too bizarre, and in Moist, when one-armed Amado realizes he can no longer do the grunt work of killing--bodies are very heavy--he tries screenwriting. He takes a weekend course, where he meets a young and tender suburban girl, Cindy, in search of life experience. He gives her some.In fact, all the main characters happen to each find love in unexpected places. Bob had become obsessed with a tattoo of a naked woman on Amado's severed arm and learns the model for it was a woman named Felicia. When Bob finally meets Felicia, "tears streamed down his cheeks as he just knelt there, looking at her with that look on his face. He was grateful. He was in rapture."As funny as the characters are when they become smitten, what takes over is deep, true love. That and following their bliss seem to bless many of his Smith's major players. Bob, falling into the excitement of the gangster life, discovers he's great at it. He changes his name to Roberto and vows to learn Spanish. His pure goodness seems to infect the gang.These criminals are loveable, and the police detective, Don, who has devoted his last few years to bringing down Esteban, becomes the bad guy.

  • Bryce A
    2018-09-21 22:33

    What month did you red this for-JanuaryTitle- MoistAuthor-Mark SmithDate started/date completed- 12-14-09/1-30-10Total Pages-308Rating of Book-8Explain Why You Gave The Rating- Moist by Mark Haskell Smith is an excellent read! The story is about a pathologist who finds an arm with an amazingly passionate tattoo of a woman. He's very stuck in life so he sets off to find the model who posed for the tattoo. But his plans are soon canceled when a Mexican mob crosses paths with him. The arm is one of a mobster who just crossed his vice lord by killing an ally and now everybody is searching for the matching body. The book is so interesting and packed full of crazy action and adventure that kept me on my toes the entire time. The book is gritty and grotesque but at the same time stunning and hilarious. It was also extremely detailed. I imagined every scene on a movie screen; very crisp, appealing and simply entertaining. I would so recommend this book. Very good plot that is well executed.Author's Purpose-Send the reader on a journey for fun entertainment purposes.Intended Audience-Mature audience that enjoys a nice story and doesnt mind sex and dead bodies along the way.

  • Paul
    2018-09-28 16:42

    I don’t know if there’s another writer who’s quite like Mark. Having read Salty and Baked, Mark’s novels manage to be very funny, yet dark, gritty, and oftentimes, uncomfortable at the same time. Moist’s hero is Bob, who works at a LA pathology lab. A severed arm (though no body) arrives in the lab, and Bob falls in love with one of the arm’s erotic tattoos. Or, he falls in love with the tattoo woman. From there the wild plot spins off into dealings with the Mexican Mafia, a masturbation coach with a gun fetish, a luxury car with a nightmarish alarm system (in which, Mark uses Checkov’s gun to nasty perfection), with a whole host of wild, funny, and at times, heartbreaking characters. Moist is a funny, ribald, smart, dark, and an expertly plotted crime novel that really can only be compared to Mark’s other very fine novels. So there you go. Read ‘em all.

  • Craig
    2018-10-01 23:03

    "The NEW Year of Mystery" continues!... Some friends gave me this book for Christmas because a) apparently they find my reviews amusing and want me to continue TYOM, and b) I HATE the word "moist"... I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this - in the first 15 pages, I laughed out loud twice and gasped out loud once. A quirky cast of characters, fun plot, and accessible storytelling made this a quick, easy, and extremely fun read! Viva Roberto!!

  • Kyle Jolly
    2018-10-05 18:44

    An energetic, fast paced, black comedy of a crime novel set in L.A. with a cast of characters that include the Mexican Mafia, a wine snob detective, a celebrity chef, a "masturbation coach",a slacker at the pathology lab, and the severed arm he is supposed to deliver to the LAPD. A little silly at times but all in all a good summer beach read.

  • Steve
    2018-09-25 17:00

    I bought this book for my sister, who hates the word MOIST and I don't think she ever read it. I thought it was hilarious.

  • Anne
    2018-10-09 21:57

    Shockingly good, like a train wreck you can't help watching. And funny at that, too!

  • Scott Marlow
    2018-09-22 19:03

    Fun, easy-to-read novel about an unconventional team of Mexican mafia members.

  • Sara Yasmin
    2018-10-22 17:33

    Fell deeply in love with the characters, the setting and the story!

  • Maddy
    2018-10-18 21:45

    RATING: 4.25

  • Collin Henderson
    2018-10-08 21:53

    I can't think of a more unassuming name than Bob. It's the name of an everyman, of someone who fits neatly into society. Fittingly, the Bob in this book is a man with an attractive girlfriend that he loves but feels no special connection to outside his attraction he holds for her. Their sex life isn't going well, though, since she spends her days trying to help men help themselves, if you catch my drift.She's a masturbation coach, is what I'm saying. She can't stand the sight of male genitalia, but claims she still finds Bob attractive.Bob works as an evidence transporter for violent crimes. One day, they get a severed arm with a particularly erotic tattoo, and Bob's life changes forever. See, the criminal it belongs to was trying to whack some shmuck when it got caught in the chain for a garage door. So he wants it back. So does his boss. They get Bob to deliver the arm to him and plan to off him, but find him to be personable and enjoyable to be around when they actually spend time with him. They promise him a night with the woman on the arm, and it starts to look like they actually have to follow through on that promise.This book is similar in style to the excellent Savages by Don Winslow, although much less brutal and dark in spite of its brief but explicit bursts of violence. Much like Savages, I tore through the last half of this book in a day thanks to its short, punchy prose and well drawn characters. What I thought would be a darkly comic crime saga actually becomes more of a slice of life piece, albeit with plenty of dark comedy thrown in for good measure. At turns funny and heartfelt, it's difficult to put down once you start.

  • Dan
    2018-10-15 16:57

    This book is a thoroughly engaging piece of entertainment. It reads like the cousin of an Elmore Leonard book, full of bumbling characters both within and outside of the Mexican mafia. The novel begins with the delivery of a dismembered, tattooed arm to a pathology lab, where it will be processed and sent along to the police as evidence in a murder. From there, it ricochets through at least a half dozen characters' lives in scenes that rarely exceed two or three pages, unfolding the story from multiple angles. The book reads almost exactly like a screenplay, which is unsurprising considering that the author is a former screenwriter; "award winning screenwriter," according to the flap, though presumably not for his uncredited rewrite of Anaconda.The writing here isn't going to take your breath away, but it does its job of moving the story along without getting in the way. At times, story elements seem a bit too tidy -- most notably the ease with which people fall in love -- but the book rockets along at such a pace that you hardly have time to notice. Certainly worth the day or two of your life it will take to read.

  • Doug
    2018-10-09 20:38

    Smith’s racy, fast-moving crime novel is a little difficult to pigeonhole. The characters take their internal lives and external situations too seriously for broad comedy — even a scene, for instance, in which a straight character accidentally pulls up a gay porn web site just as a police detective enters to question him is more about emotional tension than yuks. But the coincidence-heavy situations Smith knits his oddball clump of characters — a pathology lab worker, a b-list TV cook, a sex therapist, a detective, and assorted hoods — into are a little too outré for serious noir (the MacGuffin here is a missing arm with a prominent erotic tattoo). And there’s a mild pomo sheen over everything — Smith is clearly aware of crime genre conventions; he selectively chooses to honor some and flout others. He also elides a few significant scenes, not from the common motive of setting up surprises for the reader, but because the reader can easily fill in their details, rendering them less interesting to read (and to write, probably).I liked it enough to read more from Smith.

  • Kathy
    2018-10-18 17:45

    For much of this novel, I felt the reviews comparing it to Carl Hiassen and Dave Barry's Florida caper novels were overly optimistic. Or, actually, it seems to be a caper novel for the Millennial generation (my kids), without the cleverness the other authors illustrate. The heightened emphasis on drugs, sex, and violence seemed obligatory. I'm no prude and read plenty of gory crime novels set in undesirable places, but this one just seemed like a bunch of unfocused losers and gangbangers.OK, I will admit that the last few chapters redeemed the book in my eyes, at least partially. I'm still not sure if I'll feel like reading any more of the author's books, but the characters (those still standing) did show some growth during the book and the wrap-up did remind more of Hiassen and Barry. Oddly enough, my favorite character, almost from the get-go, was Amado.If you're interested in why, I guess you'll have to read it.

  • David
    2018-10-06 16:47

    I absolutely loved this book. Mark can really lay down a story. Reading this book almost feels like watching a movie- a high production value action movie. He had me hooked from the moment they unwrap the severed arm in the lab. The story is great. The pacing is great. The book is wonderful.I read this book after I read "Salty." I don't know what it is, but I liked this book so much more. I can't figure out why. Both are wildly original and well written. Still, I didn't connect with the characters in "Salty" the way that I did with these characters. I felt like I was inside these characters. I cared about them. I guess that just made all the difference. Read this book. You will not be disappointed.

  • Brandon James
    2018-10-12 19:44

    Not quite what I was expecting from coming off the high that was Baked by Mark Haskell Smith. I did find it enjoyable and I could definitely see it winning at the IFC awards in the mid-to-late 90's, but it lacked the bite and humor from Baked. A great cast of characters mixed up in businesses most don't belong in. The main character, Bob, is a great antihero compelled into working with the Mexican mafia. Throughout the book I couldn't help but think bits and pieces here and there had to have been drawn from life experiences by Smith as they were just too good to be true, or perhaps his mind does work in such a fashion to make the absurd amusing and believable.

  • James
    2018-10-04 17:41

    I first learned of Mark Haskell Smith when he participated in an ALOUD discussion at the Los Angeles Central Library. Had I not been in attendance, I don't know that I would have known of his work. I'm glad I was, though, because my one word to describe this book is AWESOME! This was one of the smartest and most creative stories I can remember ever reading. If you don't know Mark Haskell Smith, give Moist a read. It's worth it. I'll begin Smith's second book, Delicious, the moment I finish this sentence!

  • Steven Wilson
    2018-10-06 18:39

    I first discovered Mark Haskell Smith when I saw him on a crime noir panel at The UCLA Festival of Books a couple of years ago. I was so impressed with his quick wit that I purchased a copy of Moist afterward. Moist is a gritty, sexy, hilarious, crime story that grabs ahold of you in the first few pages and refuses to let go. Absolutely one of the best books that I have read in a long while

  • Maryellenmrphy
    2018-10-06 18:55

    Very very strange. And intense. Edgy, some kids in my class apparently described it as "vulgar" in a negative context (it is but that only increased my interest). By the way this is for my CRW class, not the Children's Lit. Mom, I would not recommend this for you, haha.

  • Dan
    2018-09-28 22:58

    A great read! I love his writing and think he's the funniest author I've read in fifteen years.

  • Obadiah
    2018-09-22 22:42

    Love Haskell Smith. He can be a bit raunchy for me sometimes but delivers a fun twisty punch with every chapter. Im a fan.

  • Mark
    2018-10-18 14:39

    This is the French edition of MOIST.

  • Carrie
    2018-10-12 17:57

    Lots of fun!

  • Elliott Colla
    2018-10-19 21:50

    Hilarious vision of multi-culti criminal LA involving a mixup of severed arms. Can't wait to read more by Smith.

  • Socorro
    2018-10-16 20:44

    Not very good, but not the worst thing I've ever read. I did have to force myself to finish it. Mexicans as drug lords and gangsters-how original.

  • Edwina Callan
    2018-10-21 19:34

    I can sum this book in in one word: Hilarious!And, highly recommended.

  • Matthew
    2018-10-09 14:56

    I think I read this book in like a day and a half. A really enjoyable and super quick-reading crime novel with some pretty interesting and bizarre characters.