BANISH BORING SEX AND UNLEASH ORGASMIC ECSTASY WITH POWER, RESTRAINT, AND SENSATION PLAY!Are you ready to expand your sexual boundaries? If you’ve ever fantasized about being taken by your man, dreamed of playing with handcuffs, ropes, and paddles, or been turned on by the thought of wickedly wielding power over your lover, you’ve found the right book!Award-winning SexologBANISH BORING SEX AND UNLEASH ORGASMIC ECSTASY WITH POWER, RESTRAINT, AND SENSATION PLAY!Are you ready to expand your sexual boundaries? If you’ve ever fantasized about being taken by your man, dreamed of playing with handcuffs, ropes, and paddles, or been turned on by the thought of wickedly wielding power over your lover, you’ve found the right book!Award-winning Sexologist and author Jaiya will be your Mistress in this fun-to-read handbook that will transform your sex life. CUFFED, TIED, AND SATISFIED leads the kink novice and pro alike on a shame-free personal journey to sexual empowerment, including your full plan for safely playing on the edge, setting boundaries, and communicating with your partner about your deepest, darkest, untapped desires. Jaiya will teach you how to make your sexual fantasies a safe reality through:• SENSORY PLAY - Blindfolded and tied to the bed; you’re helpless as every inch of your skin is awakened with your lover’s hot breath and a delicious feather… • POWER ROLES - You’ve drawn up your own sexy contract detailing every moment of how you want your lover to take you to full surrender; he looks into your eyes and pulls you to your knees…• IMPACT AND TOYS - Just the sound of your wicked crop sends your lover into ecstasy; the anticipation has you both on the brink of extraordinary pleasure…• ROLE PLAYING - Standing naked in front of your lover, they admire your black thigh-high heels. You’ve empowered your inner Dominatrix, and you’re ready to take control…CUFFED, TIED, AND SATISFIED is all you need to bring kink out of the dungeon and into your bedroom....
|Title||:||Cuffed, Tied, and Satisfied: Banish Boring Sex, Stretch Your Boundaries, and Experience Kink Like You Never Have|
|Number of Pages||:||208 Pages|
|Status||:||Available For Download|
|Last checked||:||21 Minutes ago!|
Cuffed, Tied, and Satisfied: Banish Boring Sex, Stretch Your Boundaries, and Experience Kink Like You Never Have Reviews
Cuffed, Tied, and Satisfied: A Kinky Guide to the Best Sex Ever is a nonfiction book written for men and women who want to add some kink to their sex lives. Content Warning: This review mentions issues of consent and sexual abuse that some people may find disturbing.What is kink? Author Jaiya says it's whatever "outside the box" sex is for you. We all have our own comfort levels.Jaiya is a "somatic sexologist"/couples counselor whose preparation for this book included spending time as both a dominant and a submissive with her partner, while both of them received training from more experienced practitioners. I can imagine she's probably quite educated about her subject and probably a knowledgeable counselor. The first few pages/first chapter or so are actually a bit clinical and dry. At first I thought, "How can a sex guide be this boring?"On page 16, Jaiya quotes Esther Perel, "the author of Mating in Captivity," as saying, "I do believe that the emphasis on egalitarian and respectful sex - purged of any expression of power, aggression, and transgression - is antithetical to erotic desire for men and women alike." Taken out of context, statements like this could easily be misinterpreted as saying that there's some kind of "natural" hierarchy in which one sex is dominant and aggressive and the other is passive. I don't think Jaiya means to imply that; I think she's using this quote in the context of how erotic it can be - for some people - to use role-playing of power dynamics. But I don't think this is explained very well in this chapter. I'm pretty sure there are some people for whom egalitarian sex in which there is, consciously, no mismatch of power is the ONLY erotic sex for some people.Chapter Three is about consent. This is probably the most important chapter in the book, because no truly erotic activity can take place without honest, informed consent. On page 49, Jaiya writes about "The Many Shades of Being Willing" and ends the page with, "There will be some activities that you want to do, some activities you are willing to do, and some activities you are certain you don't want to do." The next page launches into a detailed explanation of "understanding turn-ons" without returning to the topic of how to handle the things you don't want to do.This is problematic for me. I felt frustrated because I wanted Jaiya to make a strong statement along the lines of, "Always make sure you gain your partner's clearly-communicated and enthusiastic consent before any sexual activity, and make sure your partner does the same for you. Sexual activity without consent is assault."It's not that Jaiya isn't aware of the issue of sexual trauma. She writes about having a childhood trauma of her own and about sexual situations that are triggering for her, and about how to help a partner who has triggering issues surrounding sexuality. I'm a little confused that she's well aware that there are issues around power imbalances in sexual relationships, yet her writing often seems to be quite wishy-washy around consent. I do not like this. I want strong statements that empower human beings to have control of our own sexual activities and that fight rape culture.On page 125, Jaiya shares that she gave her partner a list of words and asked him to choose the ones that turned him on. One of the words he chooses is "rape." She never addresses this or mentions it again. I understand the adults are perfectly entitled to role-play and act out whatever fantasies they care to have with their consenting adult partners, and I don't have a problem with that. I don't consider myself overly "vanilla" and I'm not usually uncomfortable around discussions of sexuality (erotica writer here), but I am uncomfortable with this book skirting around issues of nonconsent without strongly addressing them.We're not at that point in our culture yet when we can just assume that everyone reading the book will know the rules of consent in a healthy way. I'd rather we talked about it too much than not enough.Furthermore, I don't love the authorial voice she chose to write this book in, which puts the reader in the place of the submissive and the author in the place of the dominant partner. In some places, the writing is just a little silly, and I also object to this authorial tone on the grounds that I have very, very little desire to be sexually submissive. I prefer to be the dominant one, and the idea of another woman trying to be my alpha turns me off. Jaiya, you don't know me like that. Don't assume that's the kind of relationship I want to have with you.That said, I felt from Chapter Six onward, Jaiya gave a lot of practical tips that are well-written and fun. If you read BDSM literature (as I sometimes do, although it's not my preferred genre) and want to know more about how you can incorporate it into your own life, this book will help. It has some ideas that are genuinely creative and sexy. You just have to pick out the ideas you like and disregard anything you don't like.FTC Disclosure: I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for this review.
I really appreciated the introduction to kink and BDSM this book gives. It appears to cover the basics well and has some great mini quizzes and checklists to get you thinking. There are some helpful safety and tying tips in the back portion of the book as well.
(given as an ARC by NetGalley)I like to read something weird for Valentine's every year (something connected to romance, but, at the same time, weird), and when I saw this book being offered on NetGalley, I knew I had found this year's choice.This book is surprisingly better than I expected it to be, even if the "do it yourself" manual of the second part wasn't as interesting to me as the first part.Now, I am not an expert, by any stretch of the imagination, in BDSM. All my knowledge comes from either my own research, or my contact with friends who are involved in such a lifestyle, and who patiently answer my questions on the topic. So, this book hit the right spot, because I already managed to understand quite a lot of the concepts (I'm not sure how someone with no connection with the world would fare, though). It still felt a calm, easy read, who tries to help people alleviate any guilty for wishing to indulge in different sexuality and give them tips and tools to discover themselves.The first part was my favourite, where the studies on the why and how are presented, and frankly the part I read more attentively. I was amused by two things:- Mention of a Dom called Master Eragon (who apparently is a real person: http://mastereragon.com) because, c'mon, who could take seriously someone who took the very unique name of the protagonist of a really crappy (but well known) fantasy series? This is in the lines of Mistress Hermione, or Master Botta Fett.- How defensive some people in the lifestyle seem to be about explaining the "why people feel turned on by non-vanilla sex". The author remarked how several times she was told there was no point in trying to explain the why people are into it, just "enjoy it". I happen to disagree. I really like to know the why. The same why I am fascinated how a clock works, why the earth spins and so on. Sure, a working clock is no less useful even if I don't know why it works, but it doesn't mean there isn't a point (and a fascinating one at that) to it. I think it's basically because these people never really came up with an explanation that satisfies them (or maybe because different people have different reasons), so they tried to justify it.The second part studied "sub-types" and held the "How-Tos" and "beginners guide to_______" *insert your kink here* for the simpler (discipline, bondage, etc) disciplines of the BDSM. I can see it being incredibly useful, but it held less interest to me, because I had no willing partner at the time to test things on (maybe a good thing, since I read quite a lot of this book at bus stops). It seemed solidly made and had interesting ideas. I might have one of my BDSM friends read it to get a more informed opinion.All it all, while it wasn't a "light" read, it was an interesting and informative one, and, while I was moderately disappointed at the mentions of 50 Shades of Gray (a book that bored me to tears and had extremely unsexy BDSM scenes, clearly written by someone who knew little of it), I can't entirely fault it, because, whether we like it or not, 50 Shades opened the path to more understanding about alternative sex practices.
9780804138086I chose this book sort of as a joke, and I really loved the cover image. But, if I want to learn the ins and outs of the BDSM lifestyle, I want to learn it from someone who has had more than a couple months experience. I respect Jaiya for what she does as a sexologist, but not as a kink expert. Maybe this book should've been a memoir or collection of essays about her experience. Certainly not a how-to book.I suppose if you've never in your life heard of BDSM, you'd find this book informative. For me, it read like a wikipedia entry or a "Kink for Dummies." I find it hard to take the advice of someone who starts off the book praising Fifty Shades of Grey for being revolutionary. Seriously?I got tired of reading--for 4 plus chapters--about what was to come in this book. Better structuring could've cut down on repetition. Why not include those diagrams and instructions right then and there? The meat of the book, what people really would want to read this for, came very late. The average reader will probably lose interest before they get to the good stuff.Speaking of repetition... Stating something and then saying it again in the form of a question is still repeating yourself. And there were far too many instances of this:Once I finally got to the diagrams and such, I really enjoyed this read more. Would a beginner really be ready for something like the French Maid Genital Harness, though?Visually, this is a beautiful book. The physical version at least. The ebook is lacking. And maybe it was just my copy, but what a wasted opportunity to not have working links, though they only linked to the author's website. I personally cared more for the ones listed in Resources.Overall recommendation, read a Tiffany Reisz book instead. Far more entertaining and just as, if not more educational.2.5 starsI received this book from Blogging for Books for this review.
I had a brief conversation with Jaiya as she was writing this book and looking around for experiences about power and surrender, so while I went through the book after it was published, the most fun parts were reading her "journal" and experiments when she was deeply exploring dominance and submission. Most of the exercises and suggestions are things the queer and leather communities adore and play with all the time, but repackaged (renamed and simplified) for straight folks. Accessible and not bad.
This book was given to me as a gift. I enjoyed the interactive parts of the book, it certainly helped with communication. I don't entirely agree with her portrayal of bdsm and the constant referral to 50 Shades of Grey which is also not an accurate portrayal of bdsm.