"I Do...For Now." She might be the last twenty-nine-year-old virgin in Greece, but Melina Kostos did not need her overprotective father and brothers handpicking her husband! So when American businessman and single dad Adam Blake proposed a convenient marriage on her terms, she accepted. By Zeus, their bargain gave her everything she wanted: a gold band, a little girl to lo"I Do...For Now." She might be the last twenty-nine-year-old virgin in Greece, but Melina Kostos did not need her overprotective father and brothers handpicking her husband! So when American businessman and single dad Adam Blake proposed a convenient marriage on her terms, she accepted. By Zeus, their bargain gave her everything she wanted: a gold band, a little girl to love and a green card. So why wasn't it enough? Because Melina wanted to break her no-touching-in-private rule and make her husband her first. Because she didn't want to be just a child's friend, she wanted to have Adam's babies. Because she wanted the whole thing--big fat Greek wedding and all!...
|Title||:||My Big Fake Green-Card Wedding|
|Number of Pages||:||256 Pages|
|Status||:||Available For Download|
|Last checked||:||21 Minutes ago!|
My Big Fake Green-Card Wedding Reviews
My Big Fake Green-Card Wedding, As Enacted by Children's ToysCast of Characters/ActorsTrin.....Han Solo Action Figure*Trin's Friend Lily.....Tickle Me Elmo**Melina.....Barbie's slightly ethnic looking friend, MidgeAdam.....KenMelina's Father.....Swarthy Pirate LegoAdam's Daughter.....Kewpie dollACT ITrin: Don't you just love library book sales? So many wonderful works of literature! I hope I can find a copy of The Tenant of Wildfell Hall! (Approximately four seconds pass.)Trin: Hahaha, check out all these romance novels. Can you BELIEVE these? Look, this one's called My Big Fake Green-Card Wedding! Isn't that amazing?Lily: LOL.Trin: Haha, omg, listen to the first line of the cover blurb! "She might be the last twenty-nine-year-old virgin in Greece, but Melina Kostos did not need her overprotective father and brothers handpicking her husband!" This is hilarious!Lily: LOL.Trin: It's only 50 cents! I totally need to buy this, right? Buy it and read it for the LOLs?Lily: LOL. Totally.(Trin buys the book)ACT II(Greece! A country the author has absolutely been to and can write about with accuracy!)Melina: I want to be in America! Okay by me in America! Everything free in America!Adam: Childcare isn't free, strange woman I just met in an elevator.Melina: You are American? I am a Greek woman, from Greece.Adam: I am an international businessman on an international business trip!Melina: *swoons*Adam: Pity I have to go home to take care of my daughter so my bitch of an ex-wife can go on her honeymoon. How can she be so outrageously demanding? I'll have to get a nanny!Melina: You don't need a nanny! You need a wife!Adam: LOL. You offering?Melina: If you help me get a green card, I will cook for you, clean for you, provide free childcare, and completely ensure that this book won't be challenging any gender roles.Adam: Sounds like a pretty good offer, sweetheart.Melina: Wait! No touchies. And you gotta meet my dad. Er, I mean. You must meet my father. I will now repeat this statement in Greek.Melina's Father: So tell me, why do you want to marry my Greek daughter?***Adam: Whoa, she's GREEK? I, like, totally didn't get that. It went straight over my head.Melina: Straight over your...head? What means this phrase?Adam: Will you let me marry your Greek daughter if I pretend I've gotten her knocked up?Melina's Father: It is a pity I cannot KILL the father of my future grandchildren!(America)Melina: Oh no! I must continue to resist my husband! And yet...if only I could have the courage to explore the curves at his lithe waist, to run my fingers through the golden-brown curls on his very masculine chest, or to inhale his masculine scent of shaving lotion and soap?*** For I am a red-blooded Greek woman, and he is just so very, very...masculine.Adam: Oh no! I want my Greek wife, not just as a nanny and housemaid...but as a wife! The kind one is allowed to have sex with ALONG with using as a nanny and a maid! I never imagined that I could come to want the spouse from my marriage of convenience, because apparently I have not absorbed any pop culture at all over the last 20 years!Melina: At least I am Greek, and thus have an excuse.Adam's Daughter: THIS BOOK NEEDS AN ADORABLE MOPPET! LOVE ME!(Melina and Adam go to look at erotic statuary.)Melina: This is too much for my 29-year-old Greek virgin self! TAKE ME!Adam: Oh, thank goodness - I was beginning to think you were from Lesbos!(There is fade-to-black fucking.)Adam: OMG! Why didn't you tell me you were a virgin? I'm going to proceed to feel so guilty for robbing you of your innocence in front of the erotic statuary that I'll snub you so you think I think you're a whore!Melina: In Greece, we are hot-blooded and would never do such a thing! But this is AMERICA, so why don't we continue to have stupid misunderstandings to pad out the rest of this novel?Adam: Sounds good! But don't you think we should maybe have a couple of INS agents show up and be ridiculous and unthreatening for a few pages?Melina: Sure. It's better than having your daughter show up again!(Many misunderstandings and a couple of inept INS agents later...)Adam: Okay, this thing is over 200 pages. Let's stop misunderstanding each other now.Melina: I would like to start by understanding your penis.Adam: Nope, this is one of those rigorously non-porny romance novels. We'd just fade to black again.Melina: All right, then: since women love weddings, let's wrap this up by getting married a SECOND time!Adam: Sounds good! Women also love babies, right?Melina: I guess so...why?Adam: I knocked you up the very first time we had sex.Melina: Just what every Greek woman wants! And hey, that reminds me. Whatever happened to those INS agents?Adam's Daughter: I KILLED THEM AND DRANK THEIR LIFEBLOOD FROM THEIR PULSING NECK STEMS.Adam&Melina: Aww! That's adorable!THE ENDACT III/EPILOGUETrin: That was awful! It wasn't even that funny - it was just boring! How can people read these over and over again? Gosh, I'll tell you, I have certainly learned my lesson. I'm sure I'll never ever ever read a book I know will be bad just because I think it'll be funny again!Lily: LOL. LOL. LOL.Trin: *shoots Greedo first**Yes, I am a chick. But I have sort of always wanted to be Han Solo. Don't ruin my moment.**Characterization may be sacrificed for humorous effect. If you forgive me, Lily, I'll let you take a spin in the Millennium Falcon.***Actual line from the book.
Gorgeous Greek Melina marries an American businessman for a green card. It’s a business arrangement—she agrees to be a nanny for his daughter. Predictably, they fall in love, but each believes the other is still intent on their orginal bargain. I was hoping for something funnier, like Jennifer Crusie.