Read If I'd Killed Him When I Met Him... by Sharyn McCrumb Online


"Whenever Sharyn McCrumb suits up her amateur detective, Elizabeth MacPherson, it's pretty certain that a trip is in the offing and that something deadly funny will happen on the road." --The New York Times Book ReviewNow, the author of She Walks These Hills brings her storytelling gifts to a novel about crimes committed a century apart.For forensic anthropologist Elizabet"Whenever Sharyn McCrumb suits up her amateur detective, Elizabeth MacPherson, it's pretty certain that a trip is in the offing and that something deadly funny will happen on the road." --The New York Times Book ReviewNow, the author of She Walks These Hills brings her storytelling gifts to a novel about crimes committed a century apart.For forensic anthropologist Elizabeth MacPherson, solving mysteries hardly seems the fun it used to be--even if she is the official private investigator for her brother Bill's fledgling Virginia law firm. Then Bill and his feminist firebrand partner, A. P. Hill, take on two complex cases that will require Elizabeth's special participation.Eleanor Royden, a perfect lawyer's wife for twenty years, has shot her ex-husband and his beautiful late-model wife in cold blood. And Donna Jean Morgan finds herself married to a Bible-thumping bigamist who has the nerve to die in circumstances that implicate his wife. A. P. does her damnedest for Eleanor, an abused wife in denial, and Bill gallantly defends Donna Jean. Meanwhile, Elizabeth's forensic expertise, including her special knowledge of poisons, gives her the most challenging case of her career.As questions of wife abuse and abandonment emerge in the court of public opinion, Elizabeth becomes a war correspondent in the battle of the sexes--a battle as old as the hills and unlikely to reach a truce any time soon.......

Title : If I'd Killed Him When I Met Him...
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9780449149980
Format Type : Paperback
Number of Pages : 288 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

If I'd Killed Him When I Met Him... Reviews

  • Heather
    2019-05-04 15:13

    I loved this book. I first listened to the audio book years ago in the midst of my divorce. It has wonderful information and history about arsenic uses and poisoning. At one point it discusses pine coffins and corpses who were prepared with arsenic. My X was still living at home and got quieter and quieter as I listened to the story. Just before the end of the book my parents brought my childhood toy box over for my kids. It was a long pine box with a lid. He left the next day. Once I realized why I made sure to have sugar cookies whenever he came over. I'd turn the plate just as he was choosing. We make our fun where we can. 5 stars.

  • Alannah Davis
    2019-05-13 16:22

    This fiction novel, published in 1995, focuses on three Southern USA women who have been controlled and emotionally abused by their husbands. One woman was portrayed around the time of the Civil War, and the other two are modern day (although to a Yankee like myself, these two gals still seemed to have ideas of wifehood that my grandmother progressed beyond in 1920. Sorry to any Southern sisters I may have offended.) I like that this novel portrays a bizarre portrait of humanity. From Eleanor Royden, who has no conscience whatsoever about offing her mid-life-crisis ex-husband and his young trophy wife (Betty Broderick, anyone?), to Donna Jean Morgan, who believed her skirt-chasing Elvis-lookalike preacher of a husband when he said God approved of bigamny (in whose world is anyone stupid enough to believe this? I sympathized with Donna Jean only because she clearly has the intellect of the cement in my carport, and is incapable of an intelligent thought). To Miri Malone, who is in love with a dolphin named Porky at a Florida water park and wants sleuth Elizabeth MacPherson's lawyer brother, Bill, to get the civil right in order. Sharyn McCrumb is an amazing writer. Bravo!

  • Betty
    2019-05-14 13:25

    Sharyn McCrumb is a favourite author who caught me by surprise with this book. This is from the Elizabeth MacPherson, forensic anthropologist series. Elizabeth is still mourning her husband lost at sea in Scotland, or maybe he is not, we have no idea if he is dead or alive. Elizabeth keeps writing letters to him regardless, but of course she just hides them away. This story brings her back to Virginia when her brother Bill invites Elizabeth to join him and his partner A.J. Hill, offering her work in their small and struggling office of MacPherson & Hill Attorneys at Law. He hopes she will be able to get her life sorted out and overcome her grief. These three are the main characters consistent to the series. Three very strange cases come up within hours of each other, so there is soon plenty to occupy all of them and the receptionist Edith, too. At the same time, their recently divorced mother has moved in with a "room-mate", causing misunderstandings and concern to her two offspring, including a hilarious get-together to meet her room-mate and new friends. A fairly strange story line that keeps one reading, and some interesting facts turn up in research. There are many sides to this story and with a feminist like A.J. involved it becomes just plain traumatic with all three cases befuddling and frustrating at every twist and turn. Reading this book is like falling down the rabbit hole, and just as entertaining. Sharyn is one of a few authors I can’t get enough of. 4½ starsNote: Sharyn is probably best-known for her Ballad series, with a new book scheduled to come out in June 2010: “The Devil Amongst the Lawyers: A Ballad Novel ”. She also writes a very funny series featuring NASCAR drivers with the third book “Faster Pastor” recently released. Not to mention an early Bimbos of the Death Sun sci-fi series.

  • Samantha Shepherd
    2019-05-05 14:15

    Another white-trash delicacy. This book is one in a series, but it started my obsession with Sharyn McCrumb who is one of the best Appalachian writers currently working. She's funny, she has wild imagination and, most of all, she incredibly talented. This is a story of polygamy. Some backwoods preacher gets it in his head that God has told him to marry again after he sees some sweet thang staring up at him from the pews. (Honestly, the joke opportunities are limitless and McCrumb takes some serious pot-shots.)Then, while building a house for the new wife, the preacher drops dead. He's been poisoned by cyanide. The old wife swears she's innocent, but she certainly has opportunity and motive. Follow this up with: Zombies of the Gene Pool, The Hangman's Beautiful Daughter, The Rosewood Casket and some of her short story collections. Foggy Mountain Breakdown is an especially good one. If you've never read Appalachian literature before, or you are not from this area, this is a good place to start.

  • Mayda
    2019-04-21 16:19

    There are as many reasons for murder as there are murderers. What these women have in common are cruel and abusive husbands. Is murder ever justified? And can you get away with it? In her captivating manner of story-telling, Sharon McCrumb explores these issues. Grounded in reality and history, this fiction read will keep you turning pages. Put yourself in the place of these women . . . or on the jury. What would you do?

  • Barb
    2019-05-20 10:05

    I can see why the book, If I'd Killed Him When I Met Him... by Elizabeth McPherson won the Agatha Award for best novel of 1995. It answers all women's favorite mystery novel questions: How can you stop a man who won't take no for an answer?; How to poison with arsenic and get away with it; The easy way and the hard way to keep peace with a tyrant; ... AND... If a male dolphin really wants to have sex with you, should you let him? I know that last question is not really a classic mystery but hey the shocking answer is in this book and hard to erase from memory.

  • Donna Davis
    2019-05-05 11:29

    This is one of the funniest books I have ever read! I have had two friends who were in, or leaving, abusive relationships, and they found this novel hugely cathartic.Be aware that this is VERY dark humor. Don't hand it to your 12-year-old, even if they can read it. If you do not care for edgy humor, this may not be your book. I won't go into plot and spoil it. Sharyn McCrumb generally writes mysteries (but not always) and they are set in her Appalachian homeland. (The middle a is soft, as in "apple", which I did not know before reading her books, and it is somewhat offensive to locals when tourists shrug and announce that THEY pronounce it the OTHER way, as if this somehow legitimized a mispronunciation. Most of us have an area near our home that is frequently mispronounced. Be kind, if you go there). Her wit is searing, and made me laugh out loud in places.McCrumb's background is Scottish, and this often makes its way into her books, though not so much this one.If this looks general, it is because I am introducing you to the book AND the writer, if you have not read her. I won't do any other reviews for her books, which I like; as far as I'm concerned, this is her best work so far. If you have a taste for mysteries and gallows humor (and perhaps more for women than men), give yourself a treat and read the book.Post Script: I wrote this review in 2012, which is when I began using Goodreads. Since then I've embarked on a retirement gig as a professional reader, and I recently read and reviewed McCrumb's latest, The Unquiet Grave, which is even better than anything she has previously written. McCrumb has not yet been made a Grand Master within the mystery genre, and this title should get those drums beating loud enough to make others notice.

  • Beth Schmelzer
    2019-05-05 13:08

    One of the best mystery stories I ever read and I love the title. This novel is one that remains with you for many years. I think I want to re-read it as I am mentioning it in my blog as an example of complex characters. Both Eleanor Royden and Donna Jean Morgan are accused wives who have interesting stories to defend. You do not need to read the first Elizabeth MacPherson mystery in the series to appreciate this one.If I'd Killed Him When I Met Him...Sharyn McCrumb

  • Elsie
    2019-04-27 13:26

    Wow! I've found a new Southern author that gives great stories, unusual characters and out-loud chuckles! A friend recommended her books. Am I ever glad! I chose this one to read first because it has lawyers and its a mystery. Now my lawyer husband wants to read this because he kept hearing me laughing out-loud. I learned some unusual facts in this story. All I have to say is watch out for dolphins.

  • CJ
    2019-04-30 16:07

    I love McCrumb's characters. They're fully realized and a joy to read. About the only thing I didn't like was one of the cases taken on in this book. Eleanor felt a little too much like Betty Broderick. I like my mysteries when the victims are unknown to me. I knew too much about the Broderick case and it made me really uncomfortable. While I figured out the ending before I got there - it was really a fun ride.

  • Barb Martin
    2019-05-04 12:26

    Men are beasts. That is the overriding message in Sharyn McCrumb's "If I'd Killed Him When I Met Him . . ." Eleanor Royden shoots and kills her ex-husband, a powerful lawyer who robbed her of everything when they split, and his bimbo new wife. Donna Jean Morgan has a husband, a preacher, who has decided God wants him to have a sweet, young thing as a second wife. He winds up dead. Men are beasts, but at least they have the decency to die . . . except for Porky. He lives.

  • Chrissa Kuntz
    2019-04-24 14:13

    This was a very interesting murder mystery -- but a little "out there" at times! It will make for good discussion tonight at book club -- especially in the area of gender roles, gender bias, and marriage.

  • Lissa Notreallywolf
    2019-05-04 15:21

    My first Elizabeth MacPherson novel, I think, because I haven't quite grasped her character. This book seemed almost like a collection of short stories until it pulled together a grieving girl friend or wife, an unsolved local murder shortly after the civil war and a budding law practice, MacPherson and Hill. Although most of the characters are MacPhersons, I felt like AP Hill the attorney was the most focused character in terms of getting to know her. The law practice is handling two current murderers. A dowdy woman, Donna Jean, whose husband has dropped dead of arsenic poisoning is William's case while A.P. Hill is defending Eleanor Royden. She is the ex wife of a powerful attorney, very ex because she went and shot her husband and his new wife as they slept. He and "Gisele" had humiliated Eleanor, through legal means but still quite viciously. She plummeted from being a trophy wife serving her husbands career to living in a small apartment furnished from the Goodwill, working for a living, alienated from her social set. AP gets the case because none of the local attorneys, friends of the recently decease want to take her case. They don't understand or don't want to understand how weak little Eleanor suddenly snapped because it makes them nervous at the breakfast table. AP does understand her wise cracking client, but is concerned about how she can defend her. William on the other hand takes on Donna Jean before Chevry keels over. She's trying to compel her husband to leave his second "wife" a 16 year old he's picked out of his church congregation on a divinely inspired revelation that God grants him the right to polygamy. As the wronged party, living with a teenager her husband is bedding, she's the most likely suspect. The case is complicated because she is the descendent of Lucy Todhunter, a woman who walked from a murder charge after the War. I won't go any further with spoilers, and instead turn to the characters I've placed and add a few more.Eleanor is under care by a psychiatrist who is trying to help her cope with the loss of her beloved Cameron. Her brother is struggling with his storefront law firm, graced by his colleague AP Hill, a high octane partner. He's willing to hire his sister, Dr. MacPherson because she's s forensic anthropologist and because his sister needs work. She needs it not only financially, she needs it emotionally. But her major distraction comes when her mother announces over lunch that she's become a political lesbian and is now involved with a university professor, Dr.Casey. Eleanor is squeamish at this late in life transition to such a radical departure from housewife and mother, another startling development life has thrown at her. William seems to be oblivious at the academic saturated house party her mother throws to celebrate her new domestic circle. McCrumb satirizes the college folk in way that reminds me of the film "Citizen Ruth" spoofing the activists. McCrumb certainly has insight into the promotional politics of universities, and the diet of the ultra -radical. If she wasn't so even handed at dishing the back woods minister with two wives her analysis of retirement conversion might seem less than accepting, but she's pulling an Eleanor Royden move here. The acknowledged murderess makes a speech about Southern women, who turn things that upset them into jokes so they can continue smiling, passing at out of earshot range as happy women. For those within hearing distance it becomes entertaining, or tiresome depending on the gifts of the storyteller. But Eleanor betrays herself in her stand up comedy routine-she no longer knows how she feels about the late Mr. Royden, and seems unclear that he's really gone gone gone. She's joked herself out of her real emotions. We don't clearly know how Eleanor feels about her mother shacking up with Casey, and no real idea how McCrumb feels about the rise of the gay community. What we are clearly presented is that the traditional women, Lucy the poisoner, her great granddaughter Donna Jean, Eleanor Royden the murderess are all traditional women accused of murder. Lucy case resolves itself on an incline, the way a voice rises in question. Did she murder her husband? McCrumb seems to convict her on the grounds that her husband's insistence on getting an heir quickly granted her the motive to kill Toddhunter, lest she die by too many miscarriages. She has motive, arguably self defense today, and means and opportunity. But did she know what would happen? Here we get into an interesting piece of medical history which I'll leave to the novel, but I am still a little incredulous about Lucy medical comprehension. It does bring up the question about Viagra- are women as happy about that as men? Does it lead to more divorces if the male climatic is enhanced by a little blue pill? Donna Jean seems too stupid to be a poisoner and is still in love with the idiot she married. Arsenic is now a controlled substance, so how does it get into Chevry? The second wife seems to be smarter, because she's tricked Donna Jean into taking on all the onerous housework, while she remains a "handmaiden" only. Again, the traditional obedient wife is the pariah, because the common folk see so clearly how she has motive for taking out the Reverend. Eleanor Royden, self acknowledged murderess is hard for people to understand, because they like her shark-like husband, who has always thrown a good party. They never thought about the means of how those dinner parties were staged, all the work of Eleanor. In her "liberated" state, post divorce poverty she has become a loose-tongued raconteur who makes everyone uncomfortable with her barely veiled anger. No one wants to look at the common betrayal of the aging wife, or contemplate that she might become murderous if pressed too far. Even a high society lady like Eleanor. So various forms of betrayal endured by women-being pressed into pregnancy, being betrayed by a secondary relationship and being dismissed from a marriage are presented as motives for murder. None of these characters were as creepy as murderess in Pretty Peggy-O, it's more like a survey on why women kill, beyond the obviously battered wife. Lucy has a good deal in common with the protagonist of one of the short stories I read, who shoots her husband after coming to the understanding that he has impregnated her as insurance that he will always be able to use the child to gain her compliance. In that story she arranges it to look like he's died from misadventure, and in Lucy's case she literally gives him a taste of his own medicine-neglect. I always enjoy her explorations of power dynamics, I just wish I was more deeply invested in these characters.

  • Jamie Barringer (Ravenmount)
    2019-05-17 12:27

    This book was a bit jumbled and vague, and it took 2/3 of the book before the P.I./forensic anthropologist Elizabeth actually touched either case, despite the blurb on the back cover suggesting she was busy on both cases soon after starting work as a P.I. for her brother's law firm. Amy Hill(A.P. Hill) was a decent character, mostly, though a bit too brittle for my taste, but I suppose she could be believable enough considering she's a woman lawyer working in a town where most lawyers seem to be men. The cases were interesting, the investigation was very light on details, science or logic, and the bizarre family law case involving a dolphin was almost too cute to fit the rest of the novel. Still, it was a fun book.

  • Robin
    2019-04-23 11:18

    read this a long time ago and remembered how much I love her books.

  • Mary Lou
    2019-05-13 17:05

    Well written and funny. R-rated, but with humor, not realism.

  • Kate
    2019-05-12 17:27

    "When forensic anthropologist Elizabeth MacPherson becomes the official P.I. for her brother Bill's fledgling Virginia law firm, she quickly takes on two complex cases. Eleanor Royden, a perfect lawyer's wife for twenty years, has shot her ex-husband and his beautiful late-model wife in cold blood. And Donna Jean Morgan is implicated in the death of her Bible-thumping bigamist husband."Bill's feminist firebrand partner, A.P. Hill, does her damnedest for Eleanor, an abused wife in denial, and Bill gallantly defends Donna Jean. Meanwhile, Elizabeth's forensic expertise, including her special knowledge of poisons, leads her into the most challenging case of her career ..."~~back coverWell, yeah, sorta. The writer of this blurb forgot the mention the girl who wanted to marry a dolphin, legally.And not to include spoilers, but this blurb also does not even whisper about the big emotional upheaval that permeates this book (and the next.)And I still don't know why the author picked this title, aside from its eye-catching qualities.

  • MountainShelby
    2019-05-09 15:02

    One of the reviews for this book (on another site) is tagged: EVER THOUGHT OF KILLING YOUR HUSBAND. Hmmmmm. Yes, I know this is fiction by a beloved author, it's light entertainment, it's supposed to be fun and witty . . . yet there is an undercurrent of general nastiness that just made me cringe. Literally. Maybe because I was listening to the book on CD, so the narrative and dialogue felt that much more "real." Sexuality, religion, politics, adultery, murder, marriage, beastiality (yup) . . . relentless. The actual mystery is rather hum-drum, and there are subplots that just add to the churn. I don't expect philosophical inquiry from a mystery (and I did laugh at times), but I also don't expect such potentially volatile topics treated in such an off-hand manner. At the risk of someone saying, "Lighten up, it's just a book," I had expected something much frothier and much less bizarre.

  • Donna
    2019-05-20 18:03

    Delightedly enjoyable. I found this title laying at work so snagged it to read. It sat around forever & while my parents were here for a visit I offered it to my dad to read. He likes whodunnits. He read it but was somewhat lukewarm in its review. (Takes a bit of doing to impress him sometimes.)I just finished it & can understand why he didn't care for it. I liked it but one of the reasons I thought may have put him off was the skipping around. It had three major story lines & three minor ones. One of them was a whodunit from the Reconstruction period, one of them was journal style letters to her dead husband & another one of them had sex w/ a dolphin. (Dad's a weeeeee bit conservative.) The dolphin thing kind of had me rolling my eyes, saying "Why?".Overall I liked it. I'll be adding some of McCrumb's other titles to my queue. There is entertainment potential there & this was a FAST read. I think I finished it in about 4 hours.

  • Dan Downing
    2019-05-19 10:26

    Since McCrumb was cited as a source in "Invisible Republic" I thought I'd read the remaining volume of her work I own.As usual she embroils her characters in situations reminiscent of something Dave Barry would cook up, but with more reserve and often harking back to scenes from a century ago, where decorum was more important, if no less funny.Here we take a ride investigating a century old alleged murder, a double homicide by a jilted wife (where we examine the cruelty visited upon women on a certain age), a bigamy case and another alleged murder. Wow. A lot of territory, even for two lawyers and a forensic anthropologist. Most of the best lines are given to the modern admitted killer of her ex-husband and his 'new' wife, but everybody gets in a good crack or two, including the lawyer's long suffering and indispensable secretary. A nice little mystery comedy sure to please.Recommended.

  • Carolyn Browne
    2019-05-06 16:13

    When forensic anthropologist Elizabeth MacPherson becomes the official P.I. for her brother Bill's fledgling Virginia law firm, she quickly takes on two complex cases. Eleanor Royden, a perfect lawyer's wife for twenty years, has shot her ex-husband and his wife in cold blood. And Donna Jean Morgan is implicated in the death of her Bible-thumping bigamist husband. Bill's feminist firebrand partner, A. P. Hill, does her damnedest for Eleanor, an abused wife in denial, and Bill gallantly defends Donna Jean. Meanwhile, Elizabeth's forensic expertise, including her special knowledge of poisons, gives her the most challenging case of her career. . . ." Pretty good mystery and likeable characters. Some parts of the book require total suspension of reality but , thank goodness, are very funny:)

  • Dolly
    2019-05-04 16:19

    I read this book because it was the selection of the month for a local book club. I liked it, although it was a bit slow-going at first with all of the transitions from plot to plot, past to present. I didn't know the characters and it was a bit confusing at first. But I forged on and finally caught up. It was an engaging story (at least once I got halfway through) and I was fascinated by the intertwined mysteries. The sideplot that involved the dolphin seemed to be a bit Carl Hiaasen-esque in its Floridian absurdity, but it was entertaining nonetheless. Overall, I enjoyed the story and I really liked the characters. I will look for more books in the Elizabeth MacPherson series of stories at my local words: piedmont

  • aPriL does feral sometimes
    2019-04-29 12:22

    Women - if you've experienced the disrespect of society and husbands that only the institution of marriage can dish out, this is the Elizabeth MacPherson series novel to read, especially if you are a sensitive person who shrinks from self-defense, blood or violence. The author generously provides a quartet of humorous offscreen nastiness and death subplots through which a girl can fantasize satisfaction, in some vicarious sense of the word. Well, on second thought, there is that episode of the amorous lady and her well-endowed, willing gentleman dolphin....perhaps the entire book isn't suitable for the children.

  • Melanti
    2019-05-16 10:13

    Luckily this is the last book in this series that I have. I won't be buying the others.At the first, when I realized there was multiple related stories all told together, I was really happy. That's how my favorite Ballad novels were told - many intertwined stories in a single narrative, all variations on a theme. I should have recalled that it's an Elizabeth McPherson mystery, where nothing gets taken seriously -- to the point where it becomes a farce.So, I started with low expectations, worked my way up to high hopes, then had those hopes dashed to the ground, trod on and jeered at by political lesbians and a woman having amorous feelings for a dolphin. Sigh.

  • Pammy
    2019-04-23 09:59

    I haven't read any of McCrumb's work in quite a while (who knows why). I selected this one that's apparently one of many in the Elizabeth MacPherson mysteries series. Oops on that mistake, as I really like to enjoy in the proper order. However with McCrumb's clever writing, her blends of satire with suspense, and her great character development, I didn't feel as though I was "missing" anything from previous ones of the series. This one has Civil War history/mystery intertwined with a current law case on polygamy, and a double murder. Yes, indeed, Ms McCrumb has created her own "mountain magic" once again!

  • Linda Rowland
    2019-04-24 18:19

    Another wonderful story, so I hate to give only four stars. I can always read McCrumb without those jarring bits that distract me. There were two in this book. They are not as bad as some writers but...How did Bill lose the big house? The usual continuity is missing, or did I miss something? I read the books one after another but could have missed something.A lawyer visits a client in jail. She is buffing her nails, but has a nail file later. A nail file in jail?On a sad note, this seems to be the last in this series. I will miss Elizabeth and her family.

  • Angela Belcher
    2019-04-28 17:24

    This book pulled you into the story almost immediately. It kept you guessing how the murder was committed. I liked the main characters. I didn't give it 5 stars because there were 2 storylines that I felt should have been left out altogether. One about a woman who wants to marry a dolphin. This was so ridiculous that it took away from the rest of the story. Also another small side story about two of the main characters mother pretending to be gay. Ridiculous stories that took away from the other three main plots. It was still an enjoyable and fast read.

  • Jean
    2019-04-23 17:28

    Stick with the Ballad series! This was a pick for a book club or I wouldn't have read this one. I am a huge Sharyn Mccrumb fan since I've enjoyed the Ballad series but this one is silly and shallow. I read that the author quit writing these since fans were taking them too seriously! Well done!The author's love for this beautiful part of the world and haunting culture shines best from the Ballad series. I hear leaves rustling and fiddle strings while I'm reading them. Is that Apple pie in the oven....

  • Hope
    2019-05-15 17:12

    Sharyn McCrumb is just a joy to read. This book is based partly on a true story: a preacher in the area of Lynchburg, VA did actually inform his wife and church that God had told him that he should take a teenager as his second wife. In real life he was punished by the courts. In this version he ends up dead.This book has not one, but three he-done-me-wrong murders, one in the past. Her subtle prose makes them sing. For example, a college linebacker is 'shaped like a thumb'.I've read almost all her books in the past, but they are even better on re-reading. This is one of my favorites.

  • Rachel
    2019-05-11 11:26

    The dolphin plot and Bill's enthusiastic treatment of it really kept this from being more of a typical vaguely entertaining mystery novel. Was its resolution meant to be funny? Just, no. This was my first McCrumb book, so I'm honestly not sure if we are meant to infer some anti-LGBT sentiment from the book. The dolphin bit seemed too close to homophobes' absurd pearl-clutching about "if gay people can get married what's next?" and the professor/mom situation seemed to position intellectuals and LGBT folks as insincere - and their allies as taken in by a scam.