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AVOID THE JERKS AND FIND "THE ONE" WHO'S RIGHT FOR YOU"An insightful and creative contribution to managing the complexity of choosing a life partner. I heartily recommend it." --Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find"Don't be part of the 'where-was-this-book-when-I-needed-it?' crowd. It's not too late--read it now!" --Pa AVOID THE JERKS AND FIND "THE ONE" WHO'S RIGHT FOR YOU"An insightful and creative contribution to managing the complexity of choosing a life partner. I heartily recommend it." --Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find"Don't be part of the 'where-was-this-book-when-I-needed-it?' crowd. It's not too late--read it now!" --Pat Love, Ed.D., author of The Truth About Love and Hot MonogamyBased on years of research on marital and premarital happiness, How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk (previously published in hardcover as How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk) will help you break destructive dating patterns that have kept you from finding the love you deserve:Ask the right questions to inspire meaningful, revealing conversations with your partnerJudge character based on compatibility, relationships skills, friends, and patterns from family and previous relationshipsResolve your own emotional baggage so you're ready for a healthy relationship...

Title : How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk: The Foolproof Way to Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Mind
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9780071548427
Format Type : Paperback
Number of Pages : 326 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk: The Foolproof Way to Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Mind Reviews

  • Sarah
    2019-01-18 15:34

    Definitely a Christian view of relationships. This book discourages premarital sex, cohabitation, and any relationship model other than monogamy. It attempts to slip Scripture in the text without being blatant about it. There was a lot of solid advice though about how love and what we perceive as love can blind one to your partner's faults early on in the relationship so you ignore patterns that otherwise would be noticeable. The book did have a lot of solid relationship advice though about ways to relate to and get to know your partner before making a deeper emotional investment. Like most things, I am going to take what worked for me and apply it. It is a book well worth reading and thinking about despite the somewhat preachy tone.

  • Heather
    2018-12-31 11:23

    Should be a companion to The 5 Love Languages as the author has similar values and also spent years counseling couples on their issues. Useful info that goes beyond romance. Since our country just elected a jerk to be President of the United States getting familiar with the qualities of such is useful in spotting all the copy cats & those coming out of the wood work.

  • Julie
    2019-01-16 12:18

    Poor Chris. Between the wedding books and the jerk books, he probably has terrified whiplash!***Well, after reading the book I feel I can state definitively that I didn't fall in love with a jerk.This is a pretty interesting book. Like a lot of self-help books, it promises more than it delivers, but it offers real insights into looking at how relationships develop and what to pay attention to under dating situations--including your own behaviors and histories.I recommend it for anyone who is currently dating. In a way, though I picked it up because of the inflammatory title, I fear the title probably drives more people away than it attracts.

  • Shelby Woolf
    2019-01-05 08:41

    Well worth the read, no matter what stage of a relationship you're in. I read this book for a class, and it was wonderful! all of the advice is actually RESEARCH BASED! That's a huge plus in my eyes. This book provides a wonderful outline on how to pace a relationship and why it's effective, warning signs of problems such as addiction or abuse, and just loads of good things that everyone should talk about with a serious commited partner.

  • Wendy
    2019-01-08 13:33

    I've dated plenty of jerks in my time, and this book was so insightful, i wish i had read it years ago! It would have kept me out of a lot of messes. I definitely reccomend it. :)

  • Melissa
    2018-12-22 07:38

    A must read/gift for anyone BEFORE they start dating, BEFORE they marry! Before the damage is done!

  • Scarlet Oh
    2019-01-10 10:22

    The title of this book might have drawn a lot of people's attention-it is simply funny and interesting. However, the context this book has is more than entertaining readers with dating/marriage tips: it helps us to know where we are, how we understand the true meaning of love, and how we can fix the problems we are facing in our relationship, which ultimately leads to the better quality of our own lives. It helps even better because it shares real people's examples and the author's own example with his wife. As we think of the word "love", we usually think that our hearts react. This book helps us to know how love has 'steps' to follow to not have mistakes or heartbreaks. Like healing our physical body has steps to follow, prescribed by doctors, such as going to see a doctor, telling the doctor our symptoms, prescribe a proper medication, taking a good rest with medication, not doing things that caused the illness, and getting recovered fully, our relationship can be healed through this book. One of the struggles I have had was to acknowledge that my current loved one is different from my exes. This makes me think "why is he not doing what my ex had done for me?", which was painful to think about. "In most successful relationships, the two partners have a blend of similarities and differences in personalities, backgrounds, and lifestyles."(p.76) I hardly find any weakness this book has. I strongly recommend you to read this book, especially if you cannot see where your relationship with someone is going to go.

  • Katelyn Johnson
    2019-01-16 08:39

    This book is great advice for those who are single, in a relationship, or married if they are interested in finding or maintaining great love that will last. This book was incredibly eye-opening. Van Epp does a great job of providing practical and credible tactics for understanding how the mind and heart can work together for success. It has helped me in my newly formed relationship understand the way that typical humans think and apply smart "getting to KNOW" him practices in my life. It is pretty funny and relatable throughout. It is organized really well and follows a good pattern. Its biggest weakness has to be that it is obviously clear that the author has a bit of a bias towards lengthy relationships before marriage that are more of a game of tryouts for your partner and marriage. It discredits the individuality that can be found in relationships. Over all, the book is a good read as long as you do it with a grain of salt and really maintain that the author might be a bit biased. I would read it again.

  • Amy Sawaya
    2019-01-18 09:24

    I wish I was kidding when I say that this book changed my life, but it's absolutely true. I felt as though it was written just for me and found elements of every failed relationship in it's pages. Additionally, I feel as though this book gave the skill set to move into my future relationships with more confidence and better clarity on what makes them healthy.

  • Danielle
    2019-01-13 15:16

    The title is misleading and silly. This is one of the best relationship books I’ve ever read. Catered towards more pragmatic and analytical personality types, it dives deep into why we do what we do, why others do what they do, and how we can best come together to build amazing relationships and overcome issues and road bumps along the way. A must read.

  • Salina Christaria
    2018-12-30 07:22

    In this scientifically-based book, the author combines relationship research with real-life stories and humor to provide a proven road map with practical tools to accurately discern a person’s true character. The goal of the book is to help people make healthy relationship choices, instead of ending up with jerks and jerkettes. One of the main truths I learned from the book, and from my own experience, is that when we give our heart away before we really know someone, we are more apt to make allowances for them, and give them second, third and fourth chances because the thumping of our heart is so much louder than the still, small voice in our head. Now, I know better!

  • Sam Dahl
    2018-12-25 15:25

    The main theme of the book seemed to be that the way someone was raised can mess them the kind of person that is not a good partner. So, it seemed to be saying to find out about the person's family and if you see any red flags then run. Didn't like it much.

  • Cari
    2018-12-22 14:44

    Read for a college class. Has good info in it and worth looking into if all your relationships sucked.

  • Lacey
    2018-12-23 12:29

    This book really opened my eyes to an aspect of relationships I'd never really thought of. I loved the cheesy title, but even more appreciated the way it changed the way I think about getting to know someone and pace a relationship. Only drawback, I wish there were some more specific application activities, because I like those concrete actions.

  • Abby
    2019-01-17 14:38

    I did not read every page of this book. I read a lot of it, though. I found it in the same section as books about abusive relationships and started thumbing through it, and it sucked me. Is it really valuable for me personally, happily married for ten years come December? Honestly, no. BUT, it's a book I think everyone should read as soon as they turn eighteen.You're just so dumb when you're a teenager. Especially in the LDS church, where so many people get married so young and so fast. In this world, it's either sin or get married, so lots of people get married just to have sex. I even had the Bishop of my singles ward say, "Even if people are just getting married so that they can have sex, that's still better than the alternative." Really? It's a good idea for a marriage to come to pass that will almost certainly result in a broken home down the road? For the sake of their kids, I can't help but disagree with my Bishop - wouldn't it have been better to have had their parents sleep together, realize they hate each other and part ways, never having married each other and screwed up generations to come? It's a gray area, and it makes me cringe. Ideally of course, they would NOT sleep together, realize they hate each other, and grow up and move on with their lives. But which is really the lesser of two evils? I have to go with fornication. Sue me.Sometimes the people who get engaged ten days after they meet are happy. More often than not (and I would venture to say more often than they admit) they are filled with regrets later on. I've now been around long enough to see friends get married and divorced, sometimes more than once. When you're young, it's just so easy to miss obvious signs that you are dating someone who will make your life miserable in the years to come. I want to cram this book into the brains of some girls in my ward. Sigh. It won't work, though. Maybe we should all go back to arranged marriages. I'll pick.

  • Melissa
    2019-01-17 08:46

    I have to be honest; I scanned most of this book. Not necessarily because it was boring or for any other reason, but because I have too many books and too little time. Luckily, the author uses helpful tip boxes throughout the chapter and makes a list of the most important information to remember at the end of each chapter.The book centers around the author’s own Relationship Attachment Model which highlights the following points: Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, and Touch. Basically, you don’t trust someone more than you know them, rely on someone more than you trust them, commit to someone more than you rely on them and don’t have sexual relations with someone before all of the other points are already safely established. Overall, you should be about equal on all points. Quite a few of the Goodreads reviews I looked at thought the sexual relations portion was preachy, but I think it just makes good sense.Relationship advice is given to include things like watching how your person of interest treats family, friends, strangers, you, their dog…and combining that information to establish a pattern of how you will be treated. Other good points mention include what you should look for when considering relationships such as views on money, religion, family planning, and more. It is a good read with my favorite quote being repeated a few times: “the good doesn’t always last, and the bad usually gets worse.” I hope I can apply the tips to my relationships and to myself so I am not the one who is considered the jerk.

  • Kat
    2018-12-23 10:39

    I borrowed this book from the bookshelf of my therapist HA! It definitely had the wrong title. I personally believe one cant control who they fall in love with. If you spend enough time with someone you're attracted to and you enjoy spending time with them, you're probably going to fall in love. This book was really tips to think about before getting serious with someone but you kinda have to already be serious with them to apply all of these tips and make all of these observations. I felt like I needed to take notes and bring them with me every time I meet a guy with a list of questions to ask him before I give him the time of day. It was pretty overwhelming reading this as a single woman. It made me feel hopeless and like finding love is too complicated so I would suggest this book to someone already dating but not too serious yet. The tips I remember are 1. Don't commit to, rely on, trust, or touch anyone more than you know them, 2. Observe how they treat others, yourself and pry into their family background3. Don't live together or have sex before you are marriedAlso this guy makes a lot of movie references lol your welcome

  • Emily Boyle
    2019-01-07 12:36

    This book sounds silly...but it was actually super helpful...I've already recommended it to a few friends.

  • Jen
    2019-01-14 10:40

    My roommate owns this, and at first, I went from "I think this might be lame" to later "I think every unmarried person should read this." John Van Epp, Ph.D. and marriage counsellor, spent 10 years writing this book. Sure it's not the most exciting book, but there is a LOT of really good information about choosing a partner, really knowing someone, communication, trust, reliance, commitment, intimacy, having a healthy and balanced relationship, assessing yourself, etc. backed up by a lot of good research. Another reviewer summed up one of my favorite points: "Relationship advice is given to include things like watching how your person of interest treats family, friends, strangers, you, their dog…and combining that information to establish a pattern of how you will be treated."Opened my eyes to a lot of things I've been choosing to overlook in people and also to which aspects have been very good/healthy or not good at all in past relationships. Would recommend.

  • Josiah
    2019-01-22 15:40

    Ignore the click-baity title: this is actually surprisingly good and one of the few books on dating that's well-worth reading. While Van Epp's approach to dating can feel a bit too scientific and systematic at times, he offers a lot of really solid advice in this book about what you want to be looking for in a prospective spouse and what sort of questions you should be asking during the dating process. While the book isn't explicitly Christian, my understanding's that the author's a Christian, and his Christian worldview certainly bleeds through at points. My family used this as reading material for a weekly book club and this provided us with ample amounts of discussion material for the subject. Recommended.Rating: 4.5 Stars (Excellent).

  • Hillary
    2018-12-31 09:23

    I read this book for a Psychology of Marriage course and enjoyed what it had to offer. It is written for those dating and definitely recommendable for the dating and married alike. The title is a little misleading, probably chosen to catch an eye. The chapters are written as self-helps, or steps on how to have successful relationships. I appreciated the areas that encourage understanding and loving yourself as an important aspect of loving others. I read this book with the perception that my husband and I are dating which was a good exercise for me and a positive opportunity of discussion between the two of us.

  • Maria
    2019-01-04 13:42

    I probably thought to myself, "I should give this to so-and-so" more while reading this book than any other book I have read in years. I've had my fair share of "love is blind" moments (okay, months) before realizing the true nature of a person, and after reading this book I think I can more accurately identify the mistakes I made in my assessments of their character. There is a lot of actionable advice in here, which is surprising for such an emotional topic. I appreciated the suggestion of questions you should ask a partner, things you should observe, and even questions for yourself to make sure that you're not the jerk!

  • Philip
    2018-12-29 11:18

    This book, despite the provocative title, is more about how to be discerning in your choices in dating partners than a foolproof means to avoiding jerks. The book also gives you advice in how to not be a jerk yourself, which is perhaps as important as not falling in love with one. The main value of the book is in its advice to be observant in dating relationships, but the book could have been even more helpful if written from a Christian perspective.

  • Eliza
    2019-01-22 15:20

    Engaging, encouraging, as long as you get through the first few chapters. Keep going! The best is yet to come! Everyone will learn different things, or reinforce lessons they've already learned. I got a lot out of the part describing getting to know the most important things about a person: spirituality, relationship background, etc., as well as the theme of taking the necessary time to get to know a person instead of letting first or second impressions govern your judgments.

  • Amber
    2019-01-21 09:17

    Great read for singles interested in learning about the science behind what makes a healthy relationship (and how to identify and avoid not-so-healthy relationships). Packed with social science goodness on how to use your head instead of/in addition to your heart when considering a future spouse, it's definitely not a quick read but so worth the time and is guaranteed to make you think about your current and future relationships!

  • Brian Miller
    2019-01-18 10:22

    Book teaches you as much about youLooked this book as it was recommended to me by friends. I thought it was going to be a guide to examining the behaviors I encountered with others. While there is of great insight and advice there, I found it much more helpful in seeing my faults and the reasons behind them. I would recommend this book to anyone who is either in, considering or has fallen out of a relationship at some point in their life. Meaning pretty much everyone.

  • Sarah Jane
    2018-12-27 14:39

    The title is just catchy, and it is not actually a step-by-step guide for avoiding jerks, but your new skills will help you do that. This is a book that everyone should read before they begin dating or while they are in the dating scene. Van Epp has done tons of research on what works for relationships and what doesn't, and has important info on how to get that great relationship everyone is looking for.

  • Cathy Christiansen
    2018-12-25 11:20

    I found this book to be helpful as I started dating after my divorce (August 2015). Having been married most of my adult life, it helped me to understand how relationships are managed differently as a single person than in healthy marriages. This may seem obvious to some but it is challenging when everything I learned in how to strengthen a marriage I had to shift completely in order to attract and create new healthy connections.

  • Lindsey
    2019-01-17 14:30

    This is an excellent, well researched book. The Army uses the PICK program described in the book to help their soldiers make good decisions in marrying. I know I have trouble sorting out my feelings and what is really in front of me. This book has great methods to doing that.I recommend to any single looking for a long term, meaningful relationship.

  • Terri
    2018-12-30 14:37

    This book was entertaining and educational. I think it did a good job of highlighting some common pitfalls that people fall into in relationships, but it did get a bit technical/lengthy at times. A good read for anyone unlucky or struggling in love to look at the building blocks to make sure they're - or get them - in place.