Read Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore Online


There is an alternate cover edition here.Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley Dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching neck, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for her.Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to takThere is an alternate cover edition here.Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley Dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching neck, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for her.Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to take some doing, however, and that's where C. Thomas Flood fits in. A would-be Kerouac from Incontinence, Indiana, Tommy (to his friends) is biding his time night-clerking and frozen-turkey bowling in a San Francisco Safeway. But all that changes when a beautiful undead redhead walks through the door ... and proceeds to rock Tommy's life -- and afterlife -- in ways he never imagined possible....

Title : Bloodsucking Fiends
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9780060735418
Format Type : Paperback
Number of Pages : 300 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

Bloodsucking Fiends Reviews

  • Patrick
    2019-01-29 16:23

    Okay, let's cut right to the chase here. I discovered Christopher Moore him about two years ago, and since then I'm pretty sure I've either read (or listened to) everything he's written. I really enjoy his books. They're tightly written, clever, and funny, funny, funny.... How much do I like his writing? Let me put it this way: Let's say I met Christopher Moore at a convention and instead of being the charming gent I know him to be, he turned out to be a total asshole. A real tunk. Let's say he was such a ass than when I asked him to sign a book, instead he just hauled off and kicked me in my privatest of personal places. Despite this, I would still buy his next book in hardcover. Let's say I ran into him later on in the food court. And there, beside the Taco Bell, he kicked me in the nuts again. In that case, I would still buy his book, but I would wait until it came out in paperback. If later on in the parking ramp he jumped out from behind a van and caught me a third time...Well.... Then I wouldn't buy his book. But I would still check it out from the library and read it. I would like to propose this as a new rating system for books. It really has none of the ambiguity of the "what's the difference between three and four stars?" Think about it, when a friend recommends a book to you, they say things like, "It's great!" or "You'll love it!" But that's just so much hot air, really. Next time someone recommends a book to you, ask them, "Would you still love this book if the author kicked you in the nuts?" If they say, "Yes" you know that book must be something special.

  • Jeffrey Keeten
    2019-02-10 18:18

    C. Thomas Flood lands in the city by the Bay, fresh from the farming fields of Indiana, determined to write a great American novel. He rents a cot from a Chinese entrepreneur named Wong and finds himself living with five other Chinese gentlemen all named Wong as well. The Wongs are excited because they have recently learned that it is legal for two men to marry in San Francisco. Thomas has something they really, really lust for...American citizenship. Needless to say living with five men who look on you as the golden prize becomes a little uncomfortable. Marry me marry me.Thomas's fortunes seem to be on the rise when he lands a job on the graveyard shift of the local Safeway. He quickly becomes proficient at the sport being perfected by graveyard shifts at supermarkets all over America...frozen turkey bowling. Thomas has been horny so long he has forgotten he's horny. He is 19 and almost a virgin. He has been assured on two different occasions that he did have sex, but both times he was too drunk to remember. When he meets Jody and she seems to find him totally irresistible he can not believe his luck. Vampire Vixen JodyShe is gorgeous and she wants to have sex with him....a lot. His father must have never explained to him that if something is too good to be true it probably is. She is a vampire, which when she tells him is a little unsettling, but then she has more sex with him. Sure the biting is a little painful and weird, but she's having sex with him! Life, unfortunately, for Thomas can not all be about sex. Reality intrudes in a big way when the Vampire that turned Jody decides that Thomas must die. The hi-jinks and ineptitude of the characters reminded me of the REAPER episodes. The book is garnished with a host of strange characters, pornographic Disney tattoos, attempted necrophilia, and Hiaasenesque humor. It is the first book of a trilogy followed by You Suck and Bite Me. If you are looking for something light, funny, and weird then this book will do nicely.

  • Melanie
    2019-02-17 14:10

    3 stars from me. Silly, funny, kinda gross vampire story. I liked it. It's an easy read. I may just seek out the next in the series to find out what happens to everyone. Just what I needed after the heavy and serious book I read right before this.

  • Lyn
    2019-01-26 15:14

    Like all of Moore's novels I have read, this one is hilarious. Could this be the first post-modern vampire book? Romanticism has been either thrown in the corner of the closet or all together defenestrated, this is nuts and bolts of how this immortal stuff works and mythbusting what doesn't. Really, really fun.

  • Lance Greenfield
    2019-02-17 18:09

    Christopher Moore has an amazing imagination. As I read Bloodsucking Fiends and, a while back, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, I kept asking myself, "Where do all his ideas come from?" This story is both creative and funny. It is different to any other vampire story that you have read, or will ever read, unless somebody plagiarises Moore.Tommy is the leader of a gang of oddball supermarket shelf-stackers. Jody is a novice vampire. The two of them form what one would normally consider to be an unlikely alliance. But, once I have told you that every event and character in this book is unlikely, you will reconsider. Tommy and Jody set out on a mission to survive. Murders happen around them throughout their journey. A centuries-old vampire provides elements of tension and extreme danger. The San Francisco police. particarly two contrasting detectives, bungle their way into and through the adventure.Each of the members of The Animals plays a part, and they are all great fun as well as, like most of the characters in this book, having their dark sides.I can go no further without mentioning my favourite character in the whole book: The Emperor. This old man is the self-styled Emperor of San Francisco and Protector of Mexico. He is supported by "his men," who turn out to be two dogs equipped to do battle against the "vicious, murdering fiend who has been stalking his City." This guy is respected by everyone, and he becomes Tommy's best friend and ally.I can't say too much more without spoiling it for you, except that you should watch out for the turtles.Now you are asking yourself if I am crazy, but I kid you not. There are so many surprises in this book. Now that I have finished, I want to go back and read it all over again. It was that good!The one negative comment that I would make, is that I don't see this as a love story. The two main characters make use of each other, and they do declare their love for each other, but there is no romance. Perhaps that will come in the next book in the series, You Suck.Sadly, my to-read shelf is groaning and beckoning me to pick up the next, fresh volume to relieve some of the weight that she carries.You really MUST make space in your life for Bloodsucking Fiends. Highly recommended.

  • Krystin Rachel
    2019-02-05 20:25

    This reminded me of the campy vampire movies I loved as a kid: Buffy the Vampire Slayer - the original with Kristy Swanson and Donald Sutherland (for some fucking reason) - or The Lost Boys. Perhaps if I'd read Bloodsucking Fiends when it first came out in 1995 I would have a nostalgia towards the story, because I'm fully aware that the only reason, something like Buffy the Vampire Slayer is re-watchable to me is because I saw it for the first time when I was 8. It's not going to hold up for, say, my 12-year-old stepdaughter who likes Home Alone 3 better than the original movie. Little psycho.For me, now in 2016, this novel was a mish-mash of cardboard stereotypes and dated, sometimes offensive, dad-joke quality humour. "I miss eating French fries. I'm Irish, you know. Ever since the Great Potato Famine my people get nervous if they don't eat French fries every few days. Did you ever think about that?"Right, RIGHT? Those crazy Irish sure do love their potatoes hardy-hardy-har. "She'll rip out your throat and drink your blood as you die. Is that what you want?" Hair Plugs shook his head violently. "No, I already have an ex-wife."Ba-dum-dum-tshhh!The foggy California nights, the super cheesy evil vampire, the over-the-top cast of supporting characters, and the ever-present 90s theme of a teenager who relates everything in his life to his favourite movies/books, falling in love with the hot chick who thinks his "weirdness" is just too adorable for words, was eye-twitchingly cliche. The main characters were near intolerable. Jody the Vampire being only slightly more likable compared to the pouting baby, Holden Caulfield wanna-be that was Tommy Flood. By the point in the book where he considered having sex with his vampire girlfriend while she was asleep, knowing she wouldn't wake up because vampire, was the end of any chance for me to like that bag of neurotic dicks. Rape is never funny, no matter how goofy and innocent you try to make the main character's line of thought on the matter. Oh, Tommy just doesn't understand women hochachachacha...In terms of the story itself, the whole book hinges on the romance between Tommy and Jody. But it was just too unbelievable and straight-up silly. That's right, SILLY. Given this a novel about vampires, some might say "Krystin! Vampires aren't real either, just go with it!" But personally, when the world a novel takes place in tells me "magic is real, bitch," I need the relationships to ground the story. But this? A vampire meets a guy by random/divine coincidence, goes on one date, asks him to move in, and two days later are in love and having mind-blowing sex while he's willing to risk his life to kill the evil vampire hunting his new girlfriend? PUH-LEASE, pump your fucking brakes.The only reason this isn't getting one star is because I found Moore's writing style really moved things along at an entertaining pace and there were a few moments featuring the Emperor and his dogs that I genuinely enjoyed. My sister and my husband have been swearing up and down that I would love Christopher Moore. Maybe I should have started with something more popular like Lamb or Fluke, but I didn't and now I'm stuck wondering if I should even bother trying again.

  • L
    2019-02-09 20:13

    Sometimes it helps to read a series in order. In the case of Christopher Moore, though, it's not always necessary. I read "You Suck" first, and thoroughly enjoyed it, then went back and read its precursor, "Bloodsucking Fiends." While BF gave context for YS, each stands on its own as a very amusing quick read. Jody is attacked walking home from work and wakes up the next evening disheveled, under a dumpster, with one burned hand, and with a load of cash in a paper bag. She returns to her apartment to be confronted by her live-in boyfriend and to find that her car has been impounded. Needing a place to live and someone to do her work by daylight, she finds C. Thomas Flood, a night manager at a grocery store, and makes him her minion. Not in a sinister way, but in a "I wonder what it would be like to be a vampire's minion?" way. Being an aspiring writer, Tommy researches vampirism extensively and tests Jody (with and without permission) to find out which aspects of vampirism in the literature are true (turning into a bat, true or false?) while also helping her find a place to live (loft in "fashionable SOMA", no windows in bedroom). Meanwhile, Jody learns to adapt to her new condition while trying to avoid being framed for murder by the vampire who created her.Add some turkey-bowling grocery store clerks, SF police with a penchant for the dramatic, and a fixture of a SF homeless man (the Emperor, thankfully of SF and not Oakland) and you've got a few hours worth of good fun.

  • Cyndi
    2019-01-27 19:20

    Every summer my amazing library has a summer reading contest. One of the challenges is to read a book by an author who shares your initials. So I had an excuse to read a book by the hilarious Christopher Moore.I love his books and this was no exception. A woman wakes up in an alley and discovers she's a vampire. She finds a hick from Nebraska who has moved to NY to become a writer. She needs a 'Renfield' to take care of daylight stuff and he needs to have his heart broken to help his writing. It's a match made in heaven, or in the alley behind Safeway Supermarket.Excellent book, lots of fun!

  • Nicholas Karpuk
    2019-02-05 13:38

    I saw Christopher Moore give a talk at the Tattered Cover recently, and having only read Fluke, I didn't really grasp the nature of his audience. The crowd easily tripled the normal quantity of attendees for that sort of event. His talk resembled a odd sort of stand up comedy routine, and every joke exploded through the room from the uproarious laughter.For me I'd say a joke hit home about 1 out of every 3 times. His humor is consistently rather broad, he has the demeanor of a elementary school class clown who watched a lot of comedy specials on television. There are exchanges like this:...but I've lost a big part of my life. Like French fries. I miss eating French fries. I'm Irish, you know. Ever since the Great Potato Famine my people get nervous if they don't eat French fries every few days. Did you ever think about that?" Oh ho. Irish people. I can almost feel someone elbowing me with an "eh? EH?" expression.The main thing I can say is it never seemed particular mean or spiteful when he was clearly aiming for edgy. That's part of his staying power. Even with passages like this that seem to be trying to really go for broke:"She'll rip out your throat and drink your blood as you die. Is that what you want?"           Hair Plugs shook his head violently. "No, I already have an ex-wife." I read that part an actually whispered, "Hochachachacha." Eesh.The other part is the attempt at appearing to be an edgy outsider, sort of an Eddie Izzard type of effect. Izzard employs jokes involving things you should have learned in 6th grade history class, but people pat themselves on the back for understanding his references as they laugh. Many people I overheard at the Moore signing seemed very proud of themselves for being into such a different writer, despite the crowd attesting to it being kinda sorta maybe just a little mainstream.But people thinking what they consume is a statement about who they are is probably a larger topic.At any rate, the other part of his success really does come from the readability. The writing style is utterly basically, almost leaden, but he maintains an excitement about the premise that damned infectious. So despite the cheesy jokes and the broad stabs at irony (the big burly detective is gay?! FOR REALZ?! Crazy!) it still kept me reading. Hell, I might read another of his, that's how good his pacing is.But god how I wish I could get an edition with a big chunk of the jokes redacted.

  • Mercutio
    2019-02-05 19:30

    NOTE: PLEASE STOP COMING TO THIS REVIEW ACTING LIKE I AM CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO FIND THIS BORING ASS BOOK INTERESTING OR FUNNY. IT WAS BORING. I WAS BORED. PLEASE LEARN TO DEAL. Jody is a grab-bag of stereotypes and is flatter than a cardboard cut-out of Carrie Bradshaw. One has to wonder if Moore had any idea what women are like. Or even people. Perhaps he lives in some secluded Alaskan tundra; in which case I will forgive him his ignorance.Moore at best seems to be a garbage bag who seems to think that the main character literally being raped (when Flood, only slightly more tolerable than a roomful of colicky infants, has sex with her prone body while she's physically unable to defend herself) is funny.No, rape is not a punch line. The only time I laughed was his hilarious inability to even write racism correctly.That's right, he fails at being an ass.

  • Felicia
    2019-02-14 16:24

    Very funny vampire novel. I love Moore' tongue in cheek writing.

  • AH
    2019-01-31 12:24

    3.5 starsI first picked up this book because it had an intriguing cover. As I started reading, I realized that this was not your average vampire story. First of all, the characters are very colorful, the writing is humorous, and the vampire lore just a little different from all the other stuff out there.Jody has been made into a vampire. She was attacked, bitten, left under a dumpster, burned her hand in the sunlight, and left with a shirt stuffed full of money. There was no vampire sire to teach her how to be a vampire. She figured out a lot on her own. She realizes that she needs to have a human to help her out in the daylight hours. Enter Tommy, an aspiring writer. Tommy has left his home in the Midwest to experience life as a starving writer because according to his family, a writer must starve to be good. Tommy finds work at the local Safeway, where he meets Jody. Most of the book revolves around Jody's relationship with Tommy. However, the secondary characters really do steal the show. From the five Wongs who want to marry Tommy for their American citizenship, Scott and Zelda the turtles that Tommy saved from becoming dinner, Jody's mother, the Emperor of San Francisco, the Animals at Safeway, the police homicide detectives, even the elusive vampire sire, all meld together in a funny, sometimes hysterical story.I would recommend this book to people who are looking for some comic relief to their vampire reading lists.

  • Gökçe
    2019-01-21 15:28

    Aaa durun, bu bayağı komik bir aşk hikayesi 😂.Kitabın arka kapağında "Ölümlülerin sıkıcı hayatından gına gelmiş sevgili dostlarımız! İşte karşınızda sonsuz, harika, leziz, ölümüne komedi, yüksek, genç ve aşık bir terane!" diyor. Vaat ettiği her şeyi gerçekten de veriyor üstelik 😂 Fark ettiyseniz ben genelde komik, eğlenceli, kafa dağıtmalık kitapları seviyorum. Bu kitabı da beklentisizce almıştım. Vampir kitabı okuma yaşımı geçtim diyordum ama çaylak vampir komedisi okumak için asla geç değildir :D.Bir gece uyanıp kendini vampir olarak bulan Jody bu çaylak ve hiçbir şey bilmeyen haliyle, vampir olmayan ama yine de dünyadan bi'haber yaşayan saf oğlanımız Tommy ile karşılaşıyor. Jody'nin bir eve Tommy'nin ise bir kız arkadaşına ihtiyacı var 😂 İkisi de inanılmaz komik olaylara karışıyorlar, bir yandan da şehirde vampir saldırısı olduğunu gösteren cesetler bulununca başlarını belaya sokuyorlar. Ölü bir kadın, saf bir adam, çatlak bir kral, manyak bir vampirin başına ne kadar şey gelebilir ki? Çoooook şey 😂.Neyse, eğer gülüp eğleneceğiniz bir kitap arıyorsanız tavsiyemdir :)

  • Ben Babcock
    2019-01-26 12:28

    Shall we start by agreeing that Christopher Moore is a literary comedic genius? I’ve had some good times with him. Both Fool and Sacré Bleu: A Comedy d’Art are amazing, laugh-out-loud funny. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal is hilarious and irreverent and the perfect gift to give your atheist or agnostic friends (or your theist friends, if they have the right sense of humour!). Everyone once in a while, though I hit on a Fluke….That’s the problem with comedy: it’s really tough, and even comedic geniuses don’t get it right all the time.Bloodsucking Fiends has a lot going for it. I considered, for a while, giving this book one star—but I can’t do that, ultimately, because there was definitely a time where I was enjoying this book, maybe more than I should have. (For those who have read it: the scenes with the Emperor are all priceless, and the scene where the Safeway crew boards the vampire’s boat and start blowing shit up is high-octane of a calibre I was not expecting in a book like this.) In particular, if you were looking for a more humorous take on the whole “becoming a vampire” plot, then Moore has you covered here.But.Jody and Thomas. I can’t even.This is subtitled A Love Story, as are the sequels to this book (which I also have out from the library). The idea is that Jody, after becoming a vampire, looks for a man to cohabit with (and have sex with, if convenient) who can go out during the day, when she is asleep, and run errands. A sex-Renfield, if you will. (Oh God, now I’m envisioning all the Dracula/Renfield slash-fic I am not going to search for after finishing this review….)Mr. C. Thomas Flood from Indiana has just moved to San Francisco to become the next Great American Writer. He hooks up with Jody by chance, sticks with her even after she confesses that she is a vampire, and quickly falls in love with her.But I don’t really buy it, you know?I can buy that Thomas thinks he’s in love with Jody, and that Jody feels co-dependent with Thomas. Moore paints Jody as the type of woman who feels that she “needs” a man, having lived with ten in the past five years. And I love that Moore doesn’t make this a head-over-heels, hit-by-Cupid’s-arrow type of romance—Jody and Thomas fight and argue and call each other names, and it’s all very realistic. (Except for the whole vampire thing, obviously.)I find Jody’s characterization hugely problematic, though. There is nothing wrong, a priori, with portraying a woman who serially enters dysfunctional relationships. That’s all part of diverse portrayals of women in fiction. Unfortunately, that only works if you have diverse portrayals of women in your story (I think there are three named women characters in this book, and it only technically passes the Bechdel Test because Jody talks to her mom). And it only works if your characters are multi-dimensional.I was hoping that, amid the standard Moore silliness of the plot, Bloodsucking Fiends would be a story about Jody’s personal growth. Moore starts off by showing us a woman who doesn’t have a lot going for her, who has a really bad day by being assaulted and transformed into a vampire, and who subsequently decides to make lemons out of lemonade. And on one level, this does actually happen. The ending of the story affirms Jody’s desire to embrace her newfound vampiric powers, to learn more about them, and to make the most of this life.So I just wish Moore hadn’t ruined what might have been a great thing by falling back on clichéd jokes, like, “I could stand to lose five pounds.” We get it: women are obsessed with their weight! Hah-hah, very funny. I’ll pencil in a laugh sometime next week.This sense of cliché looms ominously over most of the book. Jody is a walking cliché. Thomas’ situation—growing up in Indiana and being suspected of homosexuality because he has intellectual tendencies—is so cliché. It’s as if Moore assembled a checklist of the most overused tropes, then proceeded to work his way down the list—maybe alphabetically? Boy, those Asian people—aren’t they funny? And people who can’t read and hide it—hilarious! What about sales clerks—they sure are jerks, right? This might be comedy, but it is lazy comedy, thoughtless comedy—in other words, bad comedy.I know Moore is capable of, well, more. You can’t write two novels parodying Shakespeare to the level that Moore has without actually reading and understanding Shakespeare. And while Moore’s portrayal of women doesn’t receive highest marks, I’ve seen him do better than how he does in Bloodsucking Fiends.Oh, but the whole part where Thomas literally fridges Jody? Then does it again by bronzing her? That’s not funny, Moore, and it’s not endearing. It’s terrifying and sick, and it doesn’t show that Thomas “loves” Jody, just that he’s obsessed with her and willing to imprison her rather than let her go. We have names and prisons for those sorts of people.I’m going to try the next book, because Moore has earned a lot of credit with me. But if Thomas pulls anything like that again, I’m out of here. I have better things to do with my time than watch an insecure guy try to stop his vampire ladyfriend from leaving her in progressively creepier and rapier ways.

  • jD
    2019-01-28 13:26

    At first I thought I liked this because of the narrator's delivery of the off color vamp Urban Fantasy. But now that it's concluded, I am thinking I just really like Christopher Moore's twisted sense of humor and storytelling. The characters where a blast even down to the two dogs and the cranky cops.Regretfully, this story was written quite some time ago as a trilogy but only one audio book is still on the market. My library carries the hardcopies but I am loving having this delivered via car speakers during the moring and evening rush hour. I actully haven't checked the remaining travel time on the navigation since I started listening. I am seriously considering borrowing the books but it's not really a fit for my reading preferences.At least there was no cliffhanger but I know the characters live on in 2 additional books so I am itchy to hear more. There was nothing I didn't like. BTW, the synopsis says the hero/heroine are teenagers but only one actually is. This is UF and although it is called A Love Story, I think that is sarcastic. I don't think Mr. Moore was even trying to hit the romantic mark but only created a parody. This is a really fun book that doesn't take anything too seriously.

  • Krissy
    2019-02-09 17:11

    I just could not get into this one. The humor was a little OTT and not in a good way. Some authors can pull it off and some fall flat. This book is an example of the latter. I didn't laugh a single time through the whole thing. And the narrator was awful. Tommy sounded more like a girl than Jody did. Either that or a prepubescent boy. Plus he acted like such a wimp most of the time. I just could not take him seriously. I much preferred the author's book A Dirty Job. I will not continue this series.

  • Athena
    2019-01-20 17:08

    Bloodsucking Fiendsis a flat-out romp. I snickered, chortled, and yes, guffawed through the entire quick read. Moore writes with quirky ease, managing to seamlessly integrate the sport of frozen turkey bowling into a modern vampire tale featuring an actual, non-sparkly, quite threatening vampire lurking in the background of this modern tale of American romance, unlooked-for vampirism, and over-worked cops.The perfect light read for summer, or any time you need a good laugh. Go for it!

  • sj
    2019-01-19 18:25

    This was only my second Christopher Moore novel (and ZOMG I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS that are all "OH, YOU MUST READ HIM RIGHT MEOW!") so there was a lot of pressure (even if only in my own mind) on me to enjoy this before I'd even started it.I LOVED Lamb, mostly because it reminded me a lot of mid-Tom Robbins. This? Not as much.I mean, it wasn't terrible, and I liked it, but if I had started with this book, I'd be in no hurry to return to his work.But, FFS, every single time I updated my reading progress, I was practically assaulted on twitter from the Moore fanbois and grrls telling me how BRILLIANT he is and how this book was the genesis of their love affair with his work. It was pretty overwhelming.So - funny? Yes.Ridiculous? Yes.DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND READ THIS NAO? Not so much.I already own a bunch of his stuff (see previous statement about all the pressure from friends), but I'm not in much of a hurry to read it anymore.I started You Suck the other day, but only got a few pages in before I realized that I just didn't give a damn right then.Maybe I'll be in a better mood the next time I try his work.

  • DJ Harris
    2019-02-07 16:26

  • Caroline Åsgård
    2019-02-15 18:21

    I decided to read something light. This is a light, kind of trashy adult vampire novel.It's hilarious and casual, and not by any means a proper quality novel. It sounds like I'm talking shit about it, but I'm sure it's meant to be that way. And I don't view it in a negative way!A young woman (Jody) gets turned into a vampire, and she's left alone with tons of cash.She realizes her life has turned upside down, and meets a young man (Tommy) she thought she could use as her little slave to do her bidding during the day. They fall in love for some reason.The danger in this novel is that her maker is killing people, and making it look like Jody and Tommy are to blame. So they want to stop him. At the same time she feels incredibly alone in her new condition.The pace is pretty slow at the start (fine by me), but when things started happening, it all got solved pretty quickly and the book was over. Also it cuts between different characters way too often. But other than that it was a fun read!Recommended for adult vampire fans who wants a light read.

  • Wendy Bunnell
    2019-01-27 18:24

    I am so torn about Bloodsucking Fiends I’m not sure what to do. First, I really like Christopher Moore and think that he is hilarious, which is something sadly lacking in most of the stuff I read. Even the books that are listed as humor. So, I’m hard pressed to bag on Moore. And then there is the excellent review of this book by Patrick Rothfuss, who is the author of the very excellent Name of the Wind / Kingkiller Trilogy who adored this book. I love Kvothe, so I’m tempted to not go against Rothfuss. But then, it’s supposed to be a trilogy, and we’ve been waiting, what, 7 YEARS NOW for the third book and there still isn’t a release date. So, my patience wears thin, even for a fellow Wisconsin native like Rothfuss.And then there is the “Life of a Book Addict” 2016 Reading Challenge. Yes, this is all my fault. As a member of this reading group on Goodreads, it was purely optional for me to pick 12 books to list as things I’d read in 2016. I’ve picked books for 2015 and didn’t get to them all and nothing bad happened. Well, bad things happen, but nothing related to reading books. In fact, this year I was actually the recipient of two free books just from pretty much hanging out at Goodreads and entering giveaways, including one that was directly from that group, so overall good. But last December I’d stated (on the internet, so it lives FOREVER) that 2016 was the year that I was going to finally read Bloodsucking Fiends. And, I’d read everything else I’d picked on that list. This was the hold-out. I wanted to be able to mark my challenge thread as “completed.” I’m a book finisher, by gum, I can do it. Yet, I always came up with lame excuses. Oh look, shiney new book, I want to read this instead. Something kept me from committing to reading Bloodsucking Fiends. Some unseen force, a guiding hand of fate, was preventing me from reading it. Perhaps it was Adam Smith’s invisible hand of market forces, as I was unable to get it in audio book form from any of my local libraries, and anyone who likes Moore and audiobooks know why that is worth it, as they are generally delightful, and being a cheapskate, I didn’t want to splurge and buy it on audible. But I did. I’m a finisher. I will read this, as I’ve read almost everything else by Moore and liked them very much. And, I’ve read all of the Twilight books (don’t judge – I can hear you judging me, I have a reason really), so I think I have a good basis to enjoy this book.My intuition was right. I didn’t really like it. I powered through it because I had committed to it (and spent an Audible credit). What didn’t I like about it?The characters, especially the two main characters Jody and Tommy, were truly unlikable. The other Moore books I’ve read all featured male protagonists without huge roles for females. That was probably a good thing, as she was rather unredeemable. Maybe it was a social commentary, I don’t know, but there weren’t any character foils or anything else, as Jody’s mother was equally toxic, and she’s the only other woman that I recall in the book. Yuck. And Tommy is no better. I get that Moore’s protagonist are never alpha males. I adored Fool, The Serpent of Venice and Sacre Bleu and didn’t mind the introspective and dithering protagonists. But Tommy was just wishy washy until he was rapey and abducty towards Jody. Yuck. If you could concoct a list of annoying stereotypes from books, this one probably has it covered. Oh, your mother is a superficial, crazed harpy, how original.The saving grace was The Emperor and his dogs. Loved him and every scene that they were in. I wish his majesty had been the narrator, as that would have been a more interesting perspective and we still could have viewed the shenanigans of Jody figuring out her new vampire skills, Tommy working at the grocery store, their dysfunctional relationship, and the mystery of who is running around town killing terminally ill people and making them look like vampire attacks. But alas, that isn’t the case. There were funny moments. But not enough to save this one for me. The plot was rather convoluted, and by the end I didn’t care enough to figure it out. It wasn’t terrible, but I have no intention of finishing off this series.

  • Jennifer
    2019-02-18 13:38

    2 Words that describe the book: Vampire comedy3 Settings where it took place or characters you met:* Setting: Modern-day San Francisco* Jody—A fledgling vampire who had her new lifestyle thrust upon her with no warning or choice, Jody is trying her best to make sense of her new undead lifestyle. But getting used to a life lived solely at night can make things a little tricky, so Jody needs a minion to do her bidding, which is where...* C. Thomas Flood comes in. A wannabe writer from Incontinence, Indiana, Tommy is new in town and having a hard time getting adjusted to life in the Big City ... until he meets the new love of his life, a certain undead redhead. Although Jody can be a little tricky and high-maintenance with her vampire lifestyle, Tommy is in love (he thinks). As Jody and Tommy settle into together, things take a turn for the worse when the vampire who created Jody starts causing trouble for them.4 Things you liked and/or disliked about it:* I like Christopher Moore. This is the first book of his vampire trilogy (though I accidentally read You Suck first because I didn't realize it was a series). But Moore's vampires aren't brooding, sparkly, or particularly scary. Jody is just like you and me ... except with superhuman strength, a thirst for blood and heightened senses. Moore has fun with the whole vampire thing, which brings me to another thing I liked about the book.* I liked how Moore has Tommy test various vampire legends and stories on Jody to see what is true or not. Once Tommy finds out Jody's little secret, he cannot resist getting every book on vampires out of the library and checking to see what is true and untrue about vampires. These little experiments include having Tommy sneaking around touching Jody with crucifixes, trying to drown her in a bathtub, having her try to climb walls like Dracula, and rubbing her with garlic while she sleeps. And I liked Moore's shout-out to the Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice.* I liked how the book is just stuffed with Moore's hilarious throwaway lines. You'll be reading along and then Moore will write something so silly or goofy or unexpected that you just have to laugh out loud. Consider this thought from Jody: She thought, My closet is starting to look like an ostrich hatchery. I've either got to start throwing out L'eggs eggs or get a tan on my legs and quit wearing nylons.This cracked me up because I so remember having all those eggs! Do they even make those any more? It has been AGES since I wore pantyhose.* I disliked the overly serious Reading Group Guide at the back of my book. This is a book that is written to be funny and read for enjoyment. In my opinion, it doesn't cry out for book club discussions or deep thought. Yet there is a Reading Group Guide at the back with discussion questions like this: Everyone has been exposed to vampire lore, either through books, movies or television. How does Jody's transformation into a vampire differ from how you always thought someone became a vampire? In what ways is it similar? The books touches upon the idea of euthanasia--the practice of ending the life of a terminally ill person in a painless or minimally painful way in order to limit suffering--in that Elijah Ben Sapir, the vampire who creates Jody, only kills those who are about to die or whose lives are limited in some way. What are your feelings about "mercy killings"? Do vampires have an ethical standard?Though I would totally want to join a book club that chose to read Bloodsucking Fiends, I can't imagine having a big old serious discussion on vampire lore and euthanasia as a result! But maybe that is just me.5 Stars or less for your rating?I'm giving the book 4 stars. I actually liked You Suck a bit better, but you can't go wrong with Moore. He's a fun, irreverent, creative writer whose sense of humor comes through on every page. Even if you don't like vampire books, you can have fun with this one. (You won't be scared, I promise. The only scary thing is how compelled you'll be to read more Christopher Moore.)

  • Amy
    2019-01-25 19:27

    I should admit upfront that I'm suffering from a severe case of vampire fatigue; that, coupled with disdain for Christopher Moore based on the only other book of his that I read, means that there really was no chance in the world that I was going to enjoy this book, and in fact should never have read it. However, it was this month's book club selection, so read it I did and now we all must suffer the consequences.Bloodsucking Fiends is the story of several unlikable characters, some of whom are vampires, some of whom are idiots, and one based on an actual historical personage, although that connection is never mentioned so you might spend the entire book wondering if he's supposed to be immortal too, and you'll definitely spend the end of the book wondering why, since he was the only character who was even a little bit likeable, his final scene had to be so particularly shitty. What, you may be wondering, was the point of that?As near as I can tell, there wasn't a point. While Christopher Moore strikes me as the type of author more interested in making a point than in telling a story - hence the abrupt and contrived endings of the stories that I read - whatever point he was making back in 1995, when this book was written, is really no longer relevant. For having been written only 15 years ago or so, this book is incredibly dated.Which, oddly enough, makes me feel old and humorless. Because I really wonder, if I read this book when it was originally published, would I have liked it? I may very well have. There are a lot of places in the book where the author revels in his own cleverness, and I, as an irritating youngster, would have delighted so much in recognizing them that I might have overlooked entirely that there's basically a giant neon sign hanging over several parts of the book proclaiming Look At How Clever I Am! and that it didn't take much to be in on the joke.Granted, that might have been flown back in 1995. But you can't just pat yourself on the back like that anymore. If you're going to make a big fucking deal about how clever you are, you've got to also acknowledge that said BFD is being made by you, then admit that it's pretty lame to make such a BFD about anything at all, much less something so lame as yourself, before finally settling on the idea that embracing your own lameness actually makes you awesome after all. It's 2011, and if you can't be genuine, you've got to wrap yourself in at least 5 layers of irony if you want to avoid an eye-roll from the audience."You just don't get it," the me from 1995 would say if she could hear me talking like this (I don't think it'd be a good idea to try to explain the internet to her; that wouldn't stick), and the thing is, she's basically right - I don't get it. Because, with age has come the wisdom that sometimes, as in the case of Bloodsucking Fiends, there's just nothing to get.(It should be acknowledged that it was very bold to write a book in 1995 that had so many major plots that openly discussed AIDs. Science, research and public understanding have made these issues not age so well either, but instead of allowing them to detract from the book, let's just be glad that HIV is no longer thought of as an immediate death sentence, that sick people are not just wandering around the city looking for a gentle way to day; but still recognize that we've still got a long way to go).

  • Aries
    2019-01-23 12:38

    Le uscite in Italia dei libri di Christopher Moore sono quanto meno schizofreniche.Fino a qualche anno fa si trovavano giusto due o tre titoli, poi quando ha iniziato ad avere il meritato successo, la Elliot ha cominciato a pubblicare in parallelo non solo le nuove uscite in tempi accettabili ma anche i romanzi inediti in un ordine non esattamente lineare.La situazione più assurda è capitata con la trilogia vampiresca."You Suck" (tradotto in Italia con "Suck" e da me letto e recensito millenni fa) è stato pubblicato, appunto, più di cinque anni fa ma è il secondo volume nella suddetta trilogia. Il primo, di cui parlo qui, è stato pubblicato in Italia solo a maggio e il terzo è uscito da pochissime settimane.Cosa abbia spinto a far uscire un secondo volume per primo è una cosa che non capirò mai ma che mi fa girare abbastanza le scatole.Ma passiamo al romanzo."Bloodsucking friends" (questo il titolo originale e no, non so perché non sia stato tradotto a dovere con "Amici Succhiasangue") non è la prima incursione di Moore nei romanzi di generi, horror incluso: già con Practical Demonkeeping aveva iniziato a saggiare il terreno, ma è con questa serie che si inserisce nel filone vampiresco a suo modo.Il bello di Moore è la capacità di prendere la narrativa tradizionale, quella di genere, estrarne gli stereotipi, smembrarli, addizionarli di ironia più o meno sottile, un po' di scene molto poco politically correct, shakerarli e servirli al lettore come un cocktail del tutto nuovo e ben poco prevedibile.Per questo motivo, anche se non amate i libri sui vampiri, dovreste dare una possibilità a questi romanzi: potreste trovarvi a scoprire com'è strano essere trasformati in vampiro da un momento all'altro, capire quali sono leggende metropolitane e quali no, ma anche conoscere l'Imperatore di San Francisco, strenuo difensore del Messico, e i suoi fedeli sudditi e, fidatevi, non sono affatto quello che vi aspettereste.Una delle caratteristiche in tutti i libri di Moore (oltre alle più che frequenti risate) sta nel fatto che difficilmente troverete un eroe "classico": i suoi personaggi vogliono, tipicamente, farsi i fatti propri se non abbandonarsi ai propri istinti più o meno elevati; sono le situazioni a costringerli ad agire in certi modi e le loro scelte non sono certo spesso tra le più nobili e, proprio per questo motivo, sono certamente più reali.Non aspettatevi quindi eroi senza macchia e senza paura, vampiri più o meno luminosi, cacciatori di vampiri alla Van Helsing o cose del genere: aspettatevi ragazzi di provincia parecchio spaventati, gente che sbarca il lunario, qualche omicidio sparso, vampire che umiliano commesse da Macy's e cosucce del genere.Ovviamente con una costante, sana irriverenza.Sempre per essere chiari: siamo lontani dall'eccellenza di Biff, Fool o Sacre Blue, ma la lettura è assolutamente meritevole.Ribadisco, nel qualcuno se lo fosse perso, l'ordine di lettura, che è:- La vampira della porta accanto (Bloodsucking Friends)- Suck (You Suck)- Mordimi (Bite Me)

  • Marcie
    2019-02-10 17:19

    The interesting thing about this book is how clearly it illustrates the evolution of a writer and his novel-crafting skill. This is NOT the same guy who later wrote Lamb or Angel or Dirty Job…I looked it up: this was his 3rd (1995) of 13 published works. I had experienced Numbers 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 11. Lamb, Angel, Dirty Job, Fool, Lust Lizard, Fluke, all meet and exceed the challenge of using seriously unfunny subjects (religion, death, Shakespeare, mental illness, science) by a Master of Humor. So, what’s up with these other, three Vampire novels (Fiends, You Suck, Bite Me)…maybe the two sequels written later in his career will be more masterful.Specifically, the problems with Fiends are:1. Pronoun Clarity: “He” who? Which he? Who in the hell is Moore talking about??2. Clueless Metaphors: No clues in the prose left me sometimes scratching my head, you know, like reading an Emily Dickinson poem. I remember having to read “It Sifts from Leaden Sieves” in high school and being pissed when the teacher explained Emily was talking about snow. Geez. Could we be more cryptic? I had finished the book and was glancing through the “Book Club Questions” in the back when I finally understood the “Pyramid” was the building in which Jody worked. I was really confused in the beginning scene with an Emperor and a Pyramid…it soon becomes clear that the Emperor is a street bum, but the Pyramid I never got. At first I thought the Emperor might be how the Vampire refers to himself. Confusion!!! Arggggh!3. The humor with the Animals (night crew at the Safeway grocery store) is so strained…Moore is trying too hard to be wild and waaaaacky! It feels forced, juvenile, desperate. The pacing is clunky as we go around the room and each Animal character mouths his jokey one-liner contribution to the scene. I don't want to see or feel the mechanisms behind the beautiful curtains, you know.4. The characterization, relationship between, and dialogue of the two homicide detective partners feels trite, stereotypical, nothing fresh here!I read that he felt he was writing a 3-act screenplay that would be easily adapted into a Hollywood vampire comedy film. Blech. That much is apparent.

  • Merril Anil
    2019-01-26 13:12

    Can you see me laughing...of course you can’t Okay the single reason, I picked up this book was because everybody was saying how good of a humorous ride it was and that how they find it hard to stop giggling and laughing. once I started reading it, I got confused as to whether this was the same book these people were talking about as nothing was making sense and except that i picked up a book thinking to be funny but was not, nothing seemed to be funny .Then I thought perhaps i am not adult enough to understand the humour and so i decided to give it a bit time and I guess that turned out to be a good decision asthe book started slowly but eventually cracking me up in between with simple unsuspecting funny lines and circumstances and especially with its share of goofy characters.But there is this weird thing going around in the book where people are popping in between with their own stories and there is no break from one scene to other and this majorly happens from the second part of the book. I was constantly thinking " are we on the same scene or have we been taken to another in middle of this one?”The book is not a laugh riot through and through but certain scenes, dialogues and situations do crack you up. It’s a funny take on the whole concept of vampirism and having a vampire for girlfriend with lightly touched upon humour for my taste. End or the last part of the book was kind of hilarious or maybe it was just me being happy about the fact that the book was finally coming to an end (oops my bad ;) )If you are looking for a book that should make you laugh and tickle your humour bones from start to end then look away because this is not the place for you. But if you want to read something light unintentionally funny then yes you could pick up this one but don’t expect through and through laugh riot, because it is not. HOW DID I FEEL ABOUT THE BOOK IN CONCLUSION ?

  • Marvin
    2019-01-25 12:38

    At last. A paranormal romance I can sink my fangs teeth into. Leave it to Christopher Moore to write a up-to-date, totally irreverent, politically incorrect vampire love story. C. Thomas Flood is a 19 year old virgin. Jody has experience but no luck with men and wakes up in a dumpster as a vampire. If that doesn't rank as having no luck with men I don't know what does. When they meet, it is love at way am I going with that overused pun!... well you know. However the vampire that made Jody has other plans. Moore's San Francisco is loaded with a cast of rejects; The Emperor, a savvy but clumsy duet of detectives and a supermarket night crew that excels at chaos and turkey bowling. It's the usual Moore romp but maybe just a little sweeter. After all this is a love story. Looking forward to the next two installments of this series, You Suck and Bite Me.

  • Jennifer
    2019-02-09 12:09

    OK - This was just fun. I tried to be jaded and above this book (cuz I am sporting an attitude problem at the moment and after reading about 1000 vampire books I think I am all that when it comes to Vampy Fiction), But truth be told I fell into this story and enjoyed it all the way to the end. The characters were great. Just when you think you have them pigeon-holed into their stereotype they surprise you with a thought or insight and you have to reevaluate. I love that it's ridiculously absurd and yet your heart breaks just a little here and there. (I am thinking of Zelda and Scott as well as the last seen with the Emperor.)And I love that even though you know what is going to happen - the end is just open enough to keep your head pondering the "What ifs?" even after you tuck the book away and go back to your life. Yeah. I will read more Christopher Moore.

  • Cassandra
    2019-01-30 16:32

    I picked this up as my first ever Christopher Moore book. I was thinking it would be a bit of a farse on paranormal stuff. Most of his stuff seems to be like that after looking him up. But it wasn't much of a farse, rather just silly and a bit boring. To be fair I didn't read the whole book. I got to about page 130 before picking up another book.

  • Katie
    2019-01-28 15:16

    Re-reading this series makes me want to go back and re-read all of Christopher Moore's books again. Because I love him and I think he's amazing. Oh, and because he totally wants to be my friend. He told me so.