Read Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern Online


After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:"That woman was sexy. . . . OutAfter being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.""Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.""The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice....

Title : Sh*t My Dad Says
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9780752227481
Format Type : Hardback
Number of Pages : 561 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

Sh*t My Dad Says Reviews

  • Eric_W
    2019-02-14 16:45

    Let's see. Is there any doubt at all in anyone's mind what the following words mean: sh*t, F*ck, G*d da*n, m*therf*cker, etc. Especially people who claim to be offended by "bad" words. Are you any more likely to be injured if I typed "fuck" instead of "f*ck?" There's this really stupid notion that asterisks somehow cleanse a word. Frankly, folks, whether you are offended by something is up to you. When I type fuck I have no intent to offend, it's just a silly word, an expression. If you choose to be offended, that's your fucking problem (normally, I wouldn't say that, but Ceridwen likes it.) OK, rant over.I preface my remarks about this book, because if you don't like those words, this book will really bug you. It's filled with them. And if you don't like it because of the words, I feel sorry for you. It's a very funny book. My wife and I listened to it (extremely well read, with just the right inflections and expression by Sean Schemmel) and laughed so hard in a couple of places, I almost drove off the road. Justin's father was a doctor specializing in nuclear medicine; his mother was going back to law school. The story of when his father took little Justin to a lecture he was giving on thyroid cancer to a bunch of doctors is hysterical. All Justin had to do was sit quietly in his seat in the auditorium for two hours. Naturally, Justin got restless (the Snickers bar his father gave him, lasted about 12 nanoseconds). Justin decided to see if he could crawl on the floor underneath empty seats from the front to the back of the auditorium. The result was predictably not what his father had hoped for. Very funny.I suspect all of us fathers and grandfathers would love to have been like Justin's father who could say things like, "I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more." Or the scene with the complaining father at Little League, or the teacher who didn't want to teach. I could go on and on. Delightful. Get the audio.By the way, bullshit is a great word.

  • Anne
    2019-02-09 12:37

    Well, this was fun!I actually liked I Suck at Girls a tad better, but I think it's because I read that one first. And while Halpern's father is extremely funny, once you hear a few of his zingers the magic wears off a bit.The gist? I think everyone already knows about this book and the Tweets that started it all. I'm pretty sure the blurb takes care of whatever curiosity most readers have, but (if you're too lazy to read the blurb) the short version is that Justin started Tweeting the shit his dad said.So, yeah.Halpern senior is smart & funny, but I think the thing that everyone loves is the way he just says whatever he's thinking without caring about any social repercussions. And the stuff he's saying isn't racist/sexist/homophobic, it's just...honest.Has it really become so rare for people to not sugarcoat the way they feel and think, that we find a book filled with Tweets like this amazing?Yup.There isn't any sort of big Life Lesson here, just a humorous way to spend an afternoon. But if you're one of those readers who just has to take a moral lesson away from everything you read, then here's what I took away from this one: actions speak louder than words.Sure, Justin's dad cuts him (and everyone else) very little verbal slack. But he was always there for him, believing in him, pushing him to be better, and loving him regardless.In the end, I hope I'm judged on my actions and not my words, because God knows my kids could easily write something like this. *shudders*

  • Ellen
    2019-02-03 12:47

    On Today’s Hairstyles“Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”On Canine Leisure Time“The dog is not bored. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik’s Cube. He’s a goddamned dog.”My father-in-law, also Jewish, looked like a less fierce version of Justin Halpern’s dad, and although he didn’t use the word “fuck” nonstop he also dispensed some acerbic wisdom here and there. Sh*t My Dad Says has an interesting genesis. Halpern started writing a Twitter page to record the “shit” his father said. For a while, he had few followers. “Then one day I woke up to find a thousand people were following me. The next day, ten thousand. Then fifty thousand, two hundred, three hundred thousand…Literary agents were calling, wanting to represent me….” The book is no heavyweight – literally or figuratively. It took me fewer than a couple hours to read (176 pages with not a lot of text), but made me laugh out loud – frequently. Halpern organizes the book with short quotations on particular topics (such as the two at the beginning of this review) followed by longer vignettes.Of the longer sections, Halpern’s description of moving from his parents’ home in San Diego to L.A. provides both humor and poignancy. Halpern has no idea what to expect in L.A. other than the characterization his father provides: "Los Angeles is like San Diego’s older, uglier sister that has herpes.” Halpern moves to L.A. to try to become a screenwriter. His father is encouraging, “Get ready for a fucking of biblical proportions,” but supportive (he offers to pay for Halpern’s first three months of rent):I figure, what’s the fucking point in dying and leaving you money when you probably won’t need it? Might as well give it to you now when you need the help. Plus, I plan on blowing most of it on stupid shit when I get senile.For all his gruffness, Halpern’s father loves Justin unequivocally or nearly… “You always got us. We’re family. We ain’t going anywhere. Unless you go on a fucking killing spree or something.”And, a couple more gems:On Being Teased“So he called you a homo. Big deal. There’s nothing wrong with being a homosexual…. No, I’m not saying you’re a homosexual. Jesus Christ. Now I’m starting to see why this kid was giving you shit.”On Making a Christmas List“You ranked the twenty-five presents you want, in order of how much you want them? Are you insane? I said tell me what you want for Christmas, not make me a fucking college football poll.”

  • Diane S ☔
    2019-02-09 15:33

    Politically incorrect, irreverent, with a liberal smattering of profanity, vulgar at times but oh so funny. Probably many of us know someone just like Justin's dad, a truthful, no holds barred type of person but with a very big heart underneath. A man who when it really counts will do, anything for his family. This was a laugh out loud, amusing look at one such man, a self made man who came from poverty to working on cancer research in nuclear medicine, a man who has blunt advice for his son of most any occasion.So needed this amusing book after my last read, so thanks to my GR friends who posted their reviews and brought this book to my attention.

  • Nat
    2019-02-14 10:47

    While browsing the library for a book to read (preferably a humorous one at that), I stumbled upon Justin Halpern's Sh*t My Dad Says. I then proceeded to open up the light read on a random page to see if it'd capture my attention... And it succeeded in making me laugh out loud with this one passage:On Bob Saget’s Demeanor While Hosting America’s Funniest Home Videos“Remember that face. That’s the face of a man who hates himself.”What follows is a book that delivers pretty much everything I've been seeking: laugh-out-loud funny anecdotes, family, cursing, and so much more.Here's a couple more gems I'd like to share:On How to Tell When a Workout Is Complete“I just did an hour on the gym machine. I’m sweaty, and I have to shit. Where’s my fanny pack? This workout is over.”On Chivalry“Give your mother the front seat…. I don’t give a shit if she said you could have it, that’s what she’s supposed to do, and you’re supposed to say, ‘No, I insist.’ You think I’m gonna drive around with my wife in the backseat and a nine-year-old in the front? You’re a crazy son of a bitch.”But the true key to fully enjoying this book was listening to it on audio (which is, by the way, only three hours long). The narrator, Sean Schemmel, does this hilarious deep voice that perfectly captures the anger, frustration, and love behind the dad’s words. This read wouldn’t have been as laugh-out-loud funny without the audio format for me. But I do have to note that Schemmel's choice of using a high-pitched voice for the female characters was absurd and completely threw me out of the story, so I tried to tune that out as much as possible.On another note, getting to read about Justin Halpern's relationship with his dad, who's a rather blunt individual, and sharing his quotes and quips, surprisingly evoked a wide range of reactions. From laughing at one section to being moved deeply by another, I was never short of experiencing numerous emotions throughout my reading experience.One part that stuck out in particular was this breakfast shared with his father at Denny's:“Dad, can you please get to the point you’re trying to make? I don’t want to talk about this the whole breakfast with all these people around us,” I said, as I looked to my left and right, indicating that people were listening and that it was embarrassing for me.He paused and looked around the restaurant, and then right at the college kids next to us, who quickly glanced away.“You give a shit what all these people think, huh? Even though you never met a goddamned one of them,” he said.”Sam Halpern really made me shift my whole view with just the one sentence: “You give a shit what all these people think, huh? Even though you never met a goddamned one of them,”And on said thought, that will no doubt be playing over and over in my head, I'll end my review for this noteworthy book I'm beyond glad to have listened to. If you're looking for a swift and comical read that'll have you laughing out loud, Sh*t My Dad Says is the one.Note: I'm an Amazon Affiliate. If you're interested in buying Sh*t My Dad, just click on the image below to go through my link. I'll make a small commission!This review and more can be found on my blog.

  • Anna M.
    2019-02-10 17:48

    2016 Genre Challenge : Non-FictionThis book was funny, or it had some laugh out loud moments.... But I think I went into expecting something a little different. I guess reading the blurb, I thought it would be about a twenty something guy living with his seventy four year old father and the antics of an older gentleman. In reality, this book was about the authors father and everything he remembers his father saying as he was growing up. It's like a reverse "my child's funniest phrases" book. For me, it was just alright.

  • Cynthia
    2019-02-04 10:41

    To echo what others have said this book is hilarious. It’s also sweet and touching. Justin’s dad is a gruff Vietnam vet, retired research doctor who is honest to a fault. He’s someone who knows himself and has the courage and a burning need to speak his mind. He also loves his family to distraction. Justin’s dad is Jewish and his mom a quiet, loving Catholic and though their child rearing approaches seem as different as their religions they make a good parenting team. Here are a few quotes which are NOT the funniest in the book but one’s that are relatively lacking in four letter words:On Getting an Internship at Quentin Tarantino’s Production Company:“That is one ugly son of a ‘gun’…..Oh, yeah, no congratulations. If you see him, try not to stare at his face if you’ve eaten anything.”After Justin moves out”“You just barge in and take whatever you want, whenever you want it. It’s like you’re the G**D***** SS I’m living in f****** Nazi Germany….”At the End of the Day, at Least You a Have a Family:“So, there you go. Your mother thinks you’re handsome. This should be an exciting day for you.”On a hypothesized life of crime:“You always got us. We’re family. We ain’t going anywhere. Unless you go on a f****** killing spree or something.”“I would still love you Justy. I would just want to know why you did it,” my mom said earnestly.All these quotes can seem a bit over the top when you read them out of context but they never come across as glib or hate filled…..just honest. Justin was the youngest of three sons and the last chapter of the book is the story of one of Justin’s love affairs gone awry and his dad comforting by telling the story of his first wife’s life and death. The best thing about this book, besides the humor of course, is the emotional honestly.

  • Heather K (dentist in my spare time)
    2019-02-05 13:27

    How fabulous was that?!I was expecting this book to be funny and quotable, but I wasn't expecting it to be so touching. I think when I heard the concept for this book I expected Sam Halpern to be kind of a dick. A funny dick, but a sort of mean and grumpy person. Though he is really direct, I was shocked at how kind and loving Sam Halpern was. Hilarious and supportive, that is how I would describe him. This book was like a humorous lesson in valuing family. As a parent, I related to SO much of this story. And as a kid of parents who are still very much involved in my life, I also related to Justin, too. I really got the dynamic between Sam and Justin, and I found myself smiling and nodding along the entire time I was listening. As an audiobook, this was excellent. Sean Schemmel, really killed the narration, getting all of the characters' voices perfectly and with nice inflection and cadence. This was a super easy listen, perfect for when you are kind of busy and can't focus on a long story, but still want something to entertain you. High recommended.

  • Natalie Monroe
    2019-02-04 16:31

    “Snausages? I’ve been eating dog treats? Why the fuck would you put them on the counter where the rest of the food is? Fuck it, they’re delicious. I will not be shamed by this.” This is Sam Halpern, father of Justin Halpern, the author. He's very blunt and unapologetic.“I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. I'm old. I'm through moving this shit.” He cares deeply about his son's welfare.“Don't touch that knife. You never need to be holding a knife... I don't give a shit, learn how to butter stuff with a spoon” He also loves his wife, though perhaps not in a Hallmark sense.“Give your mother the front seat…. I don’t give a shit if she said you could have it, that’s what she’s supposed to do, and you’re supposed to say, ‘No, I insist.’ You think I’m gonna drive around with my wife in the backseat and a nine-year-old in the front? You’re a crazy son of a bitch.” He has very strong opinions on yard work—and pretty much everything."On Yard Work: What are you doing with that rake?... No, that is not raking.... What? Different styles of raking? No there is one style, and then there is bullshit. Guess which one you're doing.” “On Asking to Have the Candy Passed to Me During Schindler’s List: What do you want—the candy? They’re throwing people in the fucking gas chamber, and you want a Skittles?” “On Sharing: I’m sorry, but if your brother doesn’t want you to play with his shit, then you can’t play with it. It’s his shit. If he wants to be an asshole and not share, then that’s his right. You always have the right to be an asshole—you just shouldn’t use that right very often.” In short, we should all worship Sam Halpern and heed his sage wisdom.

  • Inge
    2019-02-14 15:48

    On Deciding to Use His Senior Discount for the First Time“Fuck it, I’m old. Gimme free stuff.”When 28-year-old Justin Halpern’s girlfriend breaks up with him and he loses his apartment too, he finds himself moving back in with his parents. His 73-year-old dad Sam is retired and spends his days at home, so the guys spend a lot of time together. Halpern Senior has an opinion about everything and doesn't sweet-talk his way around it, he says exactly what he's thinking and doesn't give a shit about what other people think of him. When Justin makes a Twitter account to share his dad’s quotes with the rest of the world, it becomes an instant sensation. Hence the idea to make a book - it consists of anecdotes from Justin's childhood all the way to the present, and after each story are a couple random quotes.On Shopping for Presents for His Birthday“If it’s not bourbon or sweatpants, it’s going in the garbage … No, don’t get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.”Sam Halpern is not a man afraid to speak his mind. He uses words freely and creatively and he curses like a madman. He often yells at his kids and raises them with tough love. However, underneath that tough barrier is a kind, old man who loves his family more than anything. Despite all the 'fuck's he throws around, he really does give a shit. Granted, his parenting methods are a little unorthodox and there are a couple shocking scenes, but who really knows the right way to raise a child? The kids are happy and successful and they love their old man. That's the most important thing, right?On Understanding One’s Place in the Food Chain“Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me.”On Telemarketer Phone Calls“Hello? … Fuck you.”I read this book in one sitting and in two hours – it was so addictive! I found myself laughing out loud on many occasions and smiling through the rest of the stories. I’ve wanted to read this one for a very long time, and I can gladly say it didn’t let me down. It gave for a couple good laughs and that's exactly what I needed. Sam Halpern is a genius and Justin did a great job by dotting everything down, letting everyone enjoy his father's words of wisdom. It makes for a beautiful memoir. It'd make me proud.“Don’t get me wrong, you’ve got a big fucking mouth, and you ain’t the prettiest to look at, but I love you, and I want people to know that when it comes down to it, I would do things for my family that I wouldn’t do for nobody else.”

  • Steph Sinclair
    2019-02-24 10:34

    Well, that was something I don't read everyday. I don't think I've ever read a book that had the ability to make me laugh out loud on one page and cringe on the next. When I first picked up Sh*t My Dad Says, I had no idea it originated from Halpern's twitter page. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I can see why the twitter page, which compromised of random quotes from Halpern's dad, would be a hit. It's just the right amount of comic relief you may need while wasting precious hours of your life scrolling through twitter. It's sort of like following Yoda, Darth Vader, Snape or my personal favorite, Lord Voldemort, on twitter.His tweets are mildly offensive, but admit it. You lol'ed, didn't you? So, in that context the quotes found in Sh*t My Dad Says are funny. But what happens when you put it all in one place? The short answer is simple: It's not very funny. Okay, wait. Some of the quotes are funny and in the beginning I did laugh quite a bit, but as I got further and further into the book, the novelty wore off. What was once humorous as an occasional tweet, turned into just a very vulgar book.My biggest issue with Sh*t My Dad Says is that most of the quotes were directed towards Halpern when he was a child. This did not sit right with me at all. Cursing at and shaming children is wrong on so many levels and I failed to see the humor in that. It totally killed the entertainment factor when his dad is directing the F-bomb at his young son left and right. And I was sitting here waiting for an adult to correct this guy, but it didn't seem like it was anyone's issue but mine. It was very shocking because if my dad had said half of the things Halpern's did to me, I would cry a river. I'm not saying his dad didn't love him or care about him, but wow. I just don't understand how someone could show so little respect and talk down to a child like that.So as far as I'm concerned, these quotes would have been better off remaining on twitter and not in a book. Sh*t My Dad Says is the perfect example of the age-old rule: If it ain't broke, don't fix it!More reviews at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog.

  • Laura the Highland Hussy
    2019-01-25 12:45

    Review posted on Got Fiction?I bought this for my husband and I later found it in the bathroom (choice male reading space). So my husband endorses the hilarity of this book too ;)Holy crap is this book hysterical! His dad comes off as some redneck jerk of a dad, but actually used to be in nuclear medicine! And the sayings, I mean, silly stuff from vacations, like we've all had to share a bed with a cousin, or a relative at a family reunion, but when little Justin Halpern complains about sharing a bed with his grandfather, his dad's response is: "Who the hell says Grandpa wants to share a bed with you!" I guess I never thought of it that way.And funnier more recent things like "You can't f*ck a sheep while running." what the..who the...Who says stuff like this anyways?! So the book is fun and funny and apparently great bathroom reading.

  • TL
    2019-02-05 14:30

    Re-read only a few months later :-POriginal read: December 2016Re-read: Feb 2017Listened to this with my brother when I rode with him to work and with my mom when we went shopping.. both gave me"WTH are we listening to?" look but they laughed too so I count it as a win:)If you are sensitive to swearing, this book does have quite a bit but never in a mean wayJustin's Dad grew on me fairly quickly.. I have a family member who swears like she gets paid by the word so initially I was wary of how Sam spoke but once I realized how he was, it was smooth sailing from there. ---Original review:Great audiobook for my book-slump and not feeling good (my allergies/sinus seem to love so much every December that they keep re-visiting). It's one of those things I knew was popular but somehow never remembered to look up, till a friend on here starting reading it *points to Caidyn's name*Surprised my my library's OverDrive had it, actually.Justin's Dad is a blunt and unapologetic guy... he tells ya how he sees it, but he's not mean or cruel about it. and it seems (just my opinion) he doesn't know how funny he comes across sometimes :).A few stories and quotes emerged as my favorites but I won't spoil them here for you... let's just say I almost choked on my drink or food a few times haha.Would recommend :)

  • Kelli
    2019-01-24 11:46

    I'm not cool enough to do Twitter (I suspect I'm appearing less cool by the second it use Twitter? Do Twitter? tweet? Whatever!! I'm old!) point is, I'm not sure how I even heard of this book, but I am so glad I found it. I cannot remember the last time I laughed this hard. The audio was fantastic. I'm pretty sure anyone who saw me at the Y today has solidified their opinion that I must be a total lunatic. It was that funny!This dad is an enigma: clearly brilliant, yet seemingly unable to string together three words without using profanity. He seems like an angry curmudgeon, yet in almost every story there is strong evidence that he adores his family. The title is incredibly apropos, as this dad says the word shit or discusses bowel movements almost constantly. I questioned for a minute whether a child could grow up normal with all these pearls of wisdom being angrily spat at him, laced with profanity...but he seems very well-adjusted. I bet you just acclimate. This audio was just what I needed after many heavy reads. I laughed a lot. I'm not sure what that says about me but that's it!

  • Meghan
    2019-02-11 11:43

    Wondering who's going to take over for David Sedaris now that he's moved to France and used up all his family anecdotes? Justin Halpern is here to save us. Shit My Dad Saysis basically, one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. He truly demonstrates how a skilled writer can take his Twitter feed and turn it into a legitimately hilarious, well written, and poignant read.

  • John Egbert
    2019-02-06 11:41

    How Not To Write A BookAssume Your AudienceMy audience is white, black, Hispanic, likes popcorn, pizza, blue, orange, they'll find this funny, they won't find this funny, etc etc. Never assume your audience. This book's first mistake was making a joke of which I found in particularly bad taste. I will not mention said joke here, because it isn't important. The only thing I'll say is that I did not find it funny, and it turned me away.Never assume anything about your audience. If you're going to make a joke in bad taste, never make it about a person. The worst thing you can do is offhandedly pick on someone, and then expect people to laugh.Especially since I hold a sort of respect for said person.Moving on,Let's Give You Fifty Tonics and Hope You'll Like OneMany tv shows have decided to do this now. Let's throw a bunch of jokes at the audience and hope that they'll laugh at all of them.I laughed three or four times throughout this book. The rest of the way, I cringed in disgust. That is not a good thing.Many of these jokes were extremely vulgar, which I expected from the title, but I did not expect for there to be around 1000 of them condensed into a novel.I'm not a prudish person ( <--- LIES) but I do think that there is a certain level you can take the shock factor without being in bad taste. The shock wore off after a few pages, and then it just turned annoying as hell.The Hate/Hate RelationshipThere is something called a hate/love relationship. I did not have this with any characters in this book. The father is annoying, crass, moronic, over the top and not very fit to be a parent. Any kid he raises is bound to be an asshole, which comes to my second point: The narrator is an asshole. It's easy to understand how he got that way (with a dad like that, who wouldn't?) but that doesn't stop it from being annoying as hell. I couldn't really identify or sympathize with him at all.And Concluding,Maybe I shouldn't have picked up this book to begin with. After all, I don't like vulgar books. I like my books to be clean. This was anything but. The f-bomb was dropped almost as if it was in place of "and" and "at". I won't even get started on that too much, though. Whatever the case, I did not enjoy this book. And I wouldn't recommend it to others, either. Or read it over. Or read anything else by the author.This should have stayed a blog. I did not enjoy this book.I tried.

  • Catie
    2019-02-02 11:43

    I’m not sure how I feel about this book. On the one hand, I get pretty annoyed when alarmists decry the rise in ebook sales as “The End of Literature!” Not all new technologies and trends have to be world-ending. On the other hand, I get pretty depressed about all of these humorous blogs being essentially repackaged as “books” and sold*. And this one isn’t even from a blog! It’s from a twitter feed. Really? Maybe that’s the next big thing, but there’s a large part of me that feels like a bunch of lowest common denominator type jokes loosely strung together does not a book make.If you didn’t catch on, that was my passive aggressive way of saying that I hate this book and everything that it stands for…which actually goes a long way toward explaining why I hate this book. This just doesn’t mesh with my sense of humor. There’s no depth or passive aggressive awkwardness or even quirky silliness. Instead there is a lot of responsibility placed on the word “fuck” to carry this “novel” along. And I do in fact enjoy reading humorous blogs. (This is my favorite…see a trend here?) But I don’t really want to read a whole book based on them.* Okay, okay…you’ll note the 2 star rating above. This book did coax a laugh out of me a few times. I’m only human, okay? The word “fuck” does make me smile on occasion.*Except when those books are authored by Tina Fey or David Sedaris, because then it’s okay (I'm not only passive agressive, I'm a hypocrite too).Perfect Musical PairingLou Bega – Mambo No. 5 Oh my god! It’s the next big thing! It’s so catchy and irreverent!No. It’s repetitive and annoying as hell.

  • Michelle
    2019-02-12 16:35

    4 Stars!Seen this floating around on GRs and needed a laugh so I grabbed it. If you're wanting a laugh this is a quick read that will have you giggling in no time! Justin's dad is a hoot! If you don't like cussing in books then I'd stay away from this one because Justin's dad loves to say fuck! Everybody knows that's one of my favorite words so it didn't bother me at all. lol I loved this! I will probably be reading the next one called More Shit My Dad Says when I'm in need of more giggling. lol

  • ☮Karen
    2019-02-16 10:20

    I needed  a light, funny read to help me deal with some sadness, and this helped. I don't usually find funny books funny (I'm looking at you Seriously... I'm Kidding), but this was an exception.The author's dad is quite a character.  He just tells it like he sees it without a second thought or regret, never censoring himself, that's for sure.  His language--a**hole, bullsh*t, and the f-bomb are used constantly-- might offend some delicate ears, but so be it.  If the f word offends you, you may want to sit this one out; but really, come on. Deep down, the guy's got a heart of gold and these snippets of family life are well worth a shot.

  • Kelly H. (Maybedog)
    2019-01-30 14:39

    This has got to be the funniest book I have ever read. I read it in one sitting (not hard because it's fairly short) even though I was just glancing at it before getting to my mystery thriller (a lot harder since the latter was fairly enthralling). I was laughing out loud through much of it even though I was alone, and at time I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. Although at a couple of points I thought, "Wow, this was probably kind of almost abusive parenting" I am excessively sensitive to that issue and most people probably wouldn't even notice. It's very obvious that he loves the boy very much. I do not have gutter humor but both I and my 17 year old daughter who does thought it was hilarious. Warning, this is not rated G and not always completely PC (although most times it actually is, as the father says it's okay to be gay and to cry). The especially hilarious part is that this guy does something in "nuclear medicine" and lectures to oncologists so he's very well educated and smart. Here are some of my favorite lines out of the book:"On getting Rescued by a Lifeguard at the Beach'What were you doing that far out? You can't swim...Son, you're a good athlete, but I've seen what you call swimming. It looks like a slow kid on his knees trying to smash ants.'"On Being Teased'So he called you a homo. Big deal. There's nothing wrong with being a homosexual....No, I'm not saying you're a homosexual. Jesus Christ. Now I'm starting to see why this kid was giving you shit.'"On Finding Out I Tried Marijuana'Pretty great, right?...Really? Well, we differ in opinion, then. Don't tell your mom I said that, though. Tell her I yelled at you and called you a moron. Actually, don't tell her anything. See, now I'm paranoid and I didn't even smoke any.'"On My First School Dance'Are you wearing perfume?...Son, there ain't any cologne in this house, only your mother's perfume. I know that scent, and let me tell you, it's disturbing to smell your wife on your thirteen-year-old son.'"

  • Valerie
    2019-01-26 15:38

    Alright, alright I should've known better than to read a book with a title like that. Me being me, I don't particularly like excessive swearing. I can take some but seriously, this dad puts high-school students and frat boys to shame. And just a little tidbit f*** is not a noun or adjective, it's a verb. Words can’t do it and neither can non-living objects. Though I should mention that the man is intelligent—he is a science guy, professor I believe. But I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that if you took out all the sentences that had a swear word in it you'd have maybe 20% left (at most). However, it was ready and available-plus it was short. I actually didn't know it started from a twitter feed when I first started reading it. I don't think it is a bad book. Characters like Harper's dad make the world more interesting. He obviously knows his priorities and if you want an honest answer, go to him. I admit that I laughed. But it was like laughing at a 10 year old boy's fart jokes at times. The rest of the story telling elements of the book were alright. They held my attention but nothing compelling, which happens most of the time when I read non-fiction books. Lastly, I didn't finish the book with anything. I learned nothing new. If I rate this book purely for entertainment I'd give it 2 ½ maybe 3 because I was entertained but bothered at times by the language and a few of the stories. The lessons he teaches his son(s) sound meaningful but I was edgy about it most of the time. I didn't like one chapter that is titled "Confidence Is the Way to a Woman's Heart, or at Least into Her Pants"...really?As a whole, I thought it was just okay.

  • Meredith
    2019-01-31 13:26

    Having grown up with a curt sarcastic father, I thought I'd enjoy reading the snide comments of and family stories about someone else's terse sardonic dad. Although I laughed out loud several times as I read this, there was such an undercurrent of mean-spiritedness that I found it unsettling, and the book ultimately undoes its own humor.

  • WhatIReallyRead
    2019-01-26 12:31

    This book is fucking amazing! Shit. Am I swearing too much after reading it? Well, FUCK!P.S. Seriously though, I loved this book. It's funny, heartwarming and full of wisdom. The fact that this guy exists makes me want to hug the world. Also, it can double as a parenting manual.

  • Ammar
    2019-02-04 15:44

    One of the funniest books of 2011 and it's based on a Twitter account.

  • Jim
    2019-01-28 13:45

    This was a hoot & very well done. I love a well turned phrase & how Sam, Justin's dad, thinks. Justin is about the same age as my boys, so I could really relate. Sam & I seem faced a lot of the same issues with the same attitudes. The problem with a math teacher is similar to one we had. They sent my first grader home with a calculator - twice. The second time it was returned by my son in pieces in a baggie. I followed up with a visit in which the teacher returned to the class fuming. I even got my dog, Lily, pretty much the same way.Justin did a great job of putting this all together. He doesn't spare himself & the way he'd tell a story that wound up with such a memorable quote was masterful. Great narration by Sean Schemmel, too. I don't know if the gravelly voice he gave Sam is anything like the real thing, but it worked really well.It's short, a good thing. There was enough time to get to know Sam without getting worn out by too much of the same thing. Highly recommended to one & all. Older folks will get a kick out of Sam & nod in agreement while younger ones will get some good advice.

  • Becky
    2019-01-25 14:30

    Fuuuuuuuuuck! I could kick myself. I have avoided this book for so long, thinking that it would be lame, like Stuff White People Like: A Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions, but then Audible was having a sale, and this was like $4, AND they had recently credited me $10 for being awesome... or buying audiobooks or something. So I decided to take the chance on it, and a better $4 I could not have had Audible spend on me today. I fucking loved listening to the shit that Justin Halpern's dad said. My dad was in the Navy until I was about 16, so there was no shortage of... inventive language in my house. And my dad is extremely blunt. You don't ask my dad if you think that a fancy outfit you just bought makes you look fat, because he'll tell you not only that it makes you look fat, but that it's ugly, too. So I appreciated Sam Halpern, and only wish that my dad was as witty. Some of the things that he came off with had me laughing hysterically. I listened to this on audio, so I can't quote (dammit!), but there were some really good ones. I actually particularly liked the format of the book, with alternating vignettes and lists, and how the vignettes were led with the Shit That Was Said as a header, and then the story gives you the events that led to it. You get the funny twice, and in two different ways. First, the "OMG! Where did THAT come from?!" way, and then as the punchline where it all comes together. I loved it. Oh, and I really loved the last chapter. It's kind of out of character from the other ones, which jarred a bit, but the justification for it (and knowing a bit of the history which is implied) more than made up for it. It's touching, and insightful, and good advise, and shows that Sam Halpern may be a crotchety old man with a foul mouth and a short temper, but he has a good heart and loves his kids. If I had one complaint about the book, it would be that it wasn't long enough. So I think I'll be picking up "More Shit My Dad Says" one of these days (when Audible has another sale. :P).

  • Tracey
    2019-02-20 17:36

    Got this book this morning in Morrison's from the donation table and I've read it through laughing all the way. :)Justin Halperns Dad is an absolute star. He is wise, honest, funny, angry, protective of his home, the part where he is crawling naked on floor with a shot gun at 2am because he heard a noise in the kitchen had me in stiches.:) He is foul mouthed (he says the f word ..a lot) and I love him to bits.Thank you Justin Halpern for introducing your magnificent Dad to me, he is hilarious. :)

  • Michael Finocchiaro
    2019-02-14 15:19

    This book is absolutely hilarious. Not politically correct mind you, but hilarious. I believe I also saw sketches on TV at one point but the book will have you in stitches! I just hope I have a sense of humour like that when I am 73!

  • Jen
    2019-02-02 12:37

    I read this book curled up in blankets and warmed by a shot or two of green Nyquil. And the book was delightful, full of raucous obscenity-laced wisdom and ham-handed parental love. It is obvious that Justin Halpern loves his dad and the shit he says and it is evident from the shit that his dad says that he loves Justin. This book made me feel good about being a parent who has, on occasion, called one of their little darling DNA replicates an asshole. Being a parent is hard shit, my friend. It turns you into a protective and snarling beast towards those who might harm the wonderful and amazing human you made and then it also demands that you live with that wonderful and amazing human you made and put up with their profuse, ridiculous, and absurd shit. Shit that has no end and is always threatening to drop on you right when it shouldn't. For instance, when you are getting ready to leave for work on a Monday morning and your kids are eating breakfast. Shit like this: ---Eating cereal five minutes before the school bus arrives--- (daughter) "You are looking at me!" (son) "No, I was not looking at you, I was looking at the space next to you" (daughter) "Yes, you were. You totally were. I saw. Mom, he was looooking at me! With his eyes!!!!!" (son)"Mom, no I wasn't looking! I wasn't looking! I haven't looked! She always likes to make up that I'm looking at her! I don't even like looking at her!" (daughter, wailing) "He looked at me and called me ugly!" ---the bus is now creaking and lumbering down the street--- ---the milk splashes on the counter, bits of cereal are ground into the floor------mayhem as people look for shoes and grab at backpacks--- (son) "I'm going to look and look and look at you on the bus" (daughter) "You better not. I hate you!" On days like this I have to admit that I practically push my kids out of the house and lock the door behind them, and that, seconds later, guilt-ridden, I unlock the door and rush out onto the porch, waving at the orange blob hurtling away, giddy with relief.Because shit like that every day at every hour will force even someone like Mother Theresa to snap and slap kiddies with her sandals. So, yeah. I liked this book and Justin and all the shit his dad says. And I hope someday my kids get together and remember all the shit that I've barked out in love with the lexicon of a salty dog.

  • Mollie
    2019-02-05 11:37

    I first heard about Shit My Dad Says via the @shitmydadsays Twitter account. The first time I stumbled upon it I read through every tweet available. Bascially, Justin Halpern, after his girlfriend dumped him and he had no place to live, moved back home with his parents. He began leaving the outrageous one-liners from his 70 year old cantankereous father on his AIM away messages. Someone suggested to him that he create a Twitter account and, a million followers later, he has a book offer and a pending television show based on his father's one liners. After reading some of the tweets, one might get the sense that Halpern's father is gruff and uncouth, both of which appear to be true but somehow I equeated that with not being a good dad? I don't know why. But after reading Sh*t My Dad Says, it is apparent that Mr. Halpern clearly loves his son. Sprinkled in among the obscenities are stories with real heart and,ultimately, the story is a classic father/son tale. With a lot of swear words thrown in! It is a quick read that literally had me laughing out loud. If you're interested in the book but not quite sure, you can check out the twitter page orthis article to get a sense of the writing. I'll leave you with some of Mr. Halpern's pearls of wisdom:"Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a fucking Honda Accord.""There's a word for people like that...No, I'm saying, there's a word and I don't know what it is. I'm not being fucking poetic.""You look just like Stephen Hawking...Relax, I meant like a non-paralyzed version of him. Feel better?... Fine. Forget I said it.""That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them.""Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."